REFLECTIONS
UNIQUE WESTERN FLORIDA
PHOTOS Dedicated
To Michael My Son
The Greatest Man I Ever Knew
I Can't Stop Loving You
I'VE
SEEN IT RAINING FIRE IN THE
SKY
John Denver
SOME SHORT STORIES FOR
THESE DIFFICULT TIMES
FELIZ
NAVIDAD
Diego
Enrique and his wife Maria
Alicia were tired
virtually every night when
they got home. They worked
hard. Maria Alicia would
pick up their little girls
from daycare and the three
of them would ride the bus
to the tidy little
apartment.
Diego found
he could save several
dollars a week by walking
to his jobs.Despite
being tired from his
regular job, his part time
work at a little "mom and
pop" market in a tough
section of town was a
financial necessity.Maria
Alicia always worried
about the dangerous
neighborhood where her
Diego worked at his 2nd
job, but the money allowed
them to afford a much
safer neighborhood than
they’d had when they first
moved to America.
His main job was
in an assembly plant for
cheap furniture and he
worked with several men
who relied on Diego to
translate English
instructions into Spanish.
His second job was
in a bad neighborhood and
Diego had been robbed and
beaten once as he walked
home and once when he
closed the market on a
Friday night.
Maria Alicia
anxiously awaited
Christmas because Diego’s
final night at the secondjob was the night
before Christmas.He
was able to quit the
market job because he was
starting a new position
with his main employer.The
promotion included a good
and much needed pay raise.There
would also be the
opportunity for overtime
work so he could give up
the part-time job.
Despite
trying to obey the rules
in their new country, what
little savings they had
brought with them had been
used up for an immigration
lawyer.It
was a records snafu but it
was still costly to
straighten out.Also,
the two illnesses their
little girls had
experienced not only took
their meager savings, they
were still making
payments.The
doctor had kindly
discounted his charges but
the hospital and pharmacy
expected full payment.
Anarosa
and Daniela were both
under 5.They
didn’t understand a lot of
things that went on but
like the few little
friends they had, they
were mesmerized by
Christmas excitement.
By
scrimping and saving, the
parents were able to put
the girls in an excellent
day care center and
preschool. Mrs. Jean
Watkins owned a group of
these very popular
centers.As
Christmas approached, she
and her office staff
filled in for workers who
were allowed time off for
shopping.She
spoke fluent Spanish and
enjoyed talking in both
languages with the Enrique
girls.She
helped them and the others
write letters to Santa.She’d
often do this and then
secretly share the letters
with parents before the
letters would be “sent off
to the North Pole.”
Anarosa
and Daniela were wide eyed
as they heard more stories
about Santa. Their letter
to him explained that they
still had the very special
dolls he’d brought them
last time and didn’t need
anything new.They
asked Santa if he could
bring warm gloves and hats
for their parents because
they both had to stand out
in the cold waiting for
busses or walking to work.They
told Santa they really
liked their new country
but it was very cold
compared to Mexico.Anarosa
added that their Daddy had
a hat but it was lost the
time he was hurt and
robbed.
“They
took his gloves too,
Santa.”
Mrs. Watkins had a tear
trickle from her eye as
she wrote what the girls
explained.She
didn’t share this letter
and she smiled at the
thought of not wanting to
risk it getting lost on
the way to the North Pole.
She knew the Enriques were
struggling financially.
She went out and bought 4
hats and 4 pairs of
gloves.She
made sure 2 of each were
adult sizes.She
hatched a plot to deliver
the gifts on the doorstep,
ring the doorbell and run.
Maria
Alicia opened the door and
found the present
addressed to all of them.She
suspected Mrs. Watkins had
done it.They
really didn’t know anyone
else very well and the
kids talked glowingly of
her.
Maria
Alicia couldn’t wait for
Diego to get home on
Christmas Eve to tell him
of the package.She
had hidden the package
from the girls along with
the sweatshirts and hair
ribbons they had bought as
presents for them. That
afternoon she had
purchased a little
Christmas tree from the
lot near their bus stop.There were
only a few trees left on
the lot and the man sold
Maria a scrawny one for
just a dollar. She
told the girls they would
make decorations for the
tree.
“This is the best
Christmas there could ever
be,” shouted Anarosa.
Maria
was mildly concerned when
Diego didn’t arrive at his
regular time.Her
apprehension grew when he
became over an hour late.Suddenly
there was a knock and she
hurriedly went to the
door.She
didn’t even check the
little peephole as she
undid the security chain.Her
heart pounded as she
opened the door and found
Oliveira, one of Diego’s
co-workers.
“Maria,
it was a sweep.ICE
raided the plant and took
everyone.”
“But
Diego is legal, we have
cards and he has ID.”
“They took everyone’s
wallets and purses and
everything and threw them
in a bag.
Maria, Diego and some of
the men tried to explain
and they used those Taser
guns on them.They
dragged everyone off to an
unmarked bus and no
one knows where they took
them.”
FOR THE LOVE OF HOLLY
My
name is Holly Bond.OK,
add your joke.My
teachers were nice.They
gently teased me about
being one of the Bond
Girls.It
was a joke you had to
explain to a lot of the
kids in my generation.James
Bond was known as secret
agent 007 and he had a
series of glamorous
girlfriends in his movies.I
was the fifth and final
member of the girls from
the Michigan Street Bond
girls.We
also had 3 brothers but
there were no Bond Boys in
the movies.
My
older sisters were
athletes and I was no
exception.I
always liked sports and my
particular pursuits were
basketball and track.I
didn’t set any records but
it was fun.Two
of my sisters and two of
my brothers actually got
partial scholarships to
college but I wasn’t at
their skill level.My
parents treated us
“second-stringers” like we
were just as important as
anyone.Truthfully,
all of my siblings were
better athletes than I but
I enjoyed playing.Looking
back, I can see that maybe
I hid a little bit in
athletics to avoid what I
considered my failures at
being real popular
socially.I
mean, I had friends and a
few dates but my siblings
had all been very popular.
My
dad called me princess and
he had a cute nickname for
each of us as we came
along.My
parents were good parents.There
was not a lot of arguing
and when it came to one of
us challenging the rules,
we generally were up
against a united front.I
guess we all took our turn
at being a little
rebellious and Mom and Dad
would sometimes make us
laugh when we took an
especially preposterous
stance.I
love my mom and dad.My
sisters were cool and I
could always go to them
with problems when I was
too embarrassed to talk to
Mom.
By
the time I hit high school
as a freshman I had a
brother who was junior
class president and a
prominent athlete and a
sister who was a senior
and co-captain of the
basketball team when she
wasn’t runner-up as
homecoming queen.Some
of the older kids were in
college and one had
already married and
presented 2 delighted
grandparents with babies
we all couldn’t get enough
of.I
may be a little prejudiced
but my niece and nephew
just may be the 2 cutest
and smartest babies ever.
It
was clear from day one I’d
never be a great athlete.Mom
and Dad still drove me
around to every event and
while there weren’t many
clippings, Dad added mine
and all the pictures he
took to the family
scrapbook.I
worked hard to please them
and while I sat the bench
a lot, you’d have thought
I was a star.Mom
always prepared a special
pre-game meal for us on
our game days.I
sometimes felt like the
chief klutz of the Bond
Girls (and boys) but you
wouldn’t have known it
from watching my family
support me.
I
wanted to think I was kind
of cute but I was probably
just real average looking.
I tried to have a perky
personality like my
sisters but I guess I was
a little self-conscious.I
didn’t exactly ever have a
movie star’s figure. Dad
always said I was a
“knockout” but he was a
dad and probably had to
say stuff like that.
I
wasn’t much into boys and
dating.I
read a book in junior high
about a girl who thought
she was the ugliest girl
in school even though she
wasn’t.In
the story she would always
say smart aleck things to
anyone, especially boys,
if they looked like they
were trying to get to know
her.She
pushed everyone away
before they had a chance
to push her away. I wasn’t
that bad.I
had friends and I’d had a
boy or two ask me out.I
didn’t try to drive anyone
away but I wondered if I
was doing it without
realizing it.The
book I read said the girl
was subconsciously trying
to keep from getting
rejected or having her
feelings hurt.She
didn’t want to be
embarrassed so she always
struck first.
I
tried to talk to one of my
sisters about how I felt
about myself.Andrea
had once been nominated
for homecoming queen and
she was really popular.I
told her I felt like I was
dull looking with a zero
personality.She
said everyone thinks that
and she added, “In the
back of my mind I’m always
thinking that.”I
was stunned. I’d gone to
her hoping for support and
she said everyone thought
I was dull looking with a
zero personality including
her.I
was crushed but suddenly
she caught on and laughed.
“No, no, I meant all of us
think that about ourselves
sometimes.” She assured me
I was as pretty and
interesting as any of my
big shot classmates.She
said everyone secretly
worries about stuff like
that.She
said even she does. That
really helped and I felt a
lot more confident. I
still had doubts but I
knew I was in good
company.All
in all, school was pretty
good and I had a lot of
fun.
I had
a social life but I think
my older brothers and
sisters were the real
social creatures of the
family.My
girlfriends all had steady
and/or serious boyfriends.And
they talked about how
serious they were.Sometimes
it seemed like I was the
only one without an active
love (read: sex) life.Mom
had had “the talk” with me
and I had the advantage of
older sisters who schooled
their little sister in all
things she needed to know.
Mom was pretty open about
stuff and she told me to
always be sure what I was
doing was what I wanted to
do, not what I was
pressured to do. Ours was
a progressive school
district.Sex
education started in
elementary school and by
high school we’d heard the
whole drill from condoms
to STDs and beyond.
I was
pretty sure I knew it all.I
just didn’t feel inclined
to have the kind of
serious boyfriend everyone
felt was such a mark of
belonging.I
had dates but I just never
felt the excitement the
videos said I needed to
keep in control of if I
was going to protect
myself.
William
and I dated my senior
year.He
was also a senior and we
both had missed a full
year of schooling in
elementary school due to
illness.We
were both a year older
than the other seniors and
I probably had some stupid
sense of urgency about
turning the ripe old age
of 19 as an old maid. We
got a little serious once
in a while.I
can’t say I was especially
enjoying everything but it
was a new experience to
have someone be that
interested in me. One
night I finally decided to
find out what all the
excitement was about.His
parents were away and we
were in their family room.He
was determined but I was
willing too.Romeo
had a condom and he pulled
it from his pocket and
left it unopened on the
table as we gyrated and
maneuvered.I
tried to be eager and I
don’t think he had to make
a conscious effort to be
excited.It
hurt and I wasn’t feeling
anything like the Roman
candles or skyrockets I’d
expected.Twice
I reminded him of the
condom and he agreed,
grunted and continued what
he was doing.I
finally used that great
Bond Girl athleticism to
get free of him and try to
open and apply the condom
as we had been taught in
sex ed class.In
class we giggled as Mrs.
Wallace had us practice
putting a condom on a
fairly large cucumber.I’m
not sure why she chose
that particular vegetable.Maybe
it was to intimidate us or
maybe that was all she had
in the refrigerator that
morning.Those
thoughts crossed my mind
as I worked to equip my
writhing “lover” and I
wanted to giggle at the
thought I was dealing with
more of a carrot than a
cucumber. I was struggling
to accomplish the task
when William, how shall I
say this, when William
“finished” his mission.It
was a mess and he groaned
like the piano had
suddenly fallen on him.He
tensed and I could only
think about how we’d hide
the evidence of our “love
affair for one.”I
eventually just reversed
the couch cushions, hoping
our encounter would go
unnoticed until I was long
out of the picture.Prince
Charming took the princess
home after we rearranged
clothes and put throw
pillows back in place.I
honestly felt nothing good
or bad and had no problem
returning William’s good
night kiss. I went to
sleep assuring myself it
would probably be a lot
better when I met the
right guy.
We
dated several times and
made love twice more.Well,
actually, he had sex with
me twice.Again
I was eager to experience
what this was all about.His
hands, his lips, nothing
seemed to mean more than
just an experience.I
liked him as much as any
boy I’d known but I didn’t
lust after him in my
secret moments.He
at least got a little
smoother at using a
condom.He
would have been a good
friend but sex kind of
complicated that and we
became just acquaintances
after we broke up.
I
eagerly looked forward to
college.I
thought I could find that
special guy there.I
didn’t.I
had 2 dates and I was
wondering if I was some
kind of weirdo.I
didn’t even get a good
night kiss out of either
date.
Athletics
had always been my passion
and I began working out in
the college gym as kind of
a comfort activity.There
were several intramural
sports for women and I
found myself enjoying
learning to play tennis.I
played a girl in the fall
league and she told me
about a loosely organized
women’s athletic center
called “The Island.”
I had
tried working out in the
coed gym but college men
can be kind of boisterous
and obnoxious.It
was harmless I guess but
you had to encounter
stares and sometimes cruel
and obnoxious comments.
The
Island was formed by a
woman’s coach and it was a
safe haven for women to
work out.They’d
had a few fundraisers and
had accumulated some used
treadmills, elliptical
trainers and free weights
all of which were made
available in a large room
provided by the
university.It
was fun and safe and they
even had a Yoga instructor
provide a regular class.
I was
at the Island when I met
Lisha. That’s how she
spells it—it was short for
Alisha.I’d
always respected an
athletic build.My
brothers had trained for
football and basketball
with weights in the
garage.Some
of the boys in high school
had been in bodybuilding
and the college gym was
always populated with guys
working out specific
muscles in front of a
mirror.I
said I appreciated the
look but to be honest, I
never found it attractive
and certainly not sexually
stimulating.And
then I saw Lisha working
out.She
was trim and her muscles
were smoothly defined but
not bulky. Her skin was
tanned and smooth.I
found myself watching her
the very first day.She
looked up and smiled a
most beautiful smile.I
felt something stirring in
my body and I busied
myself with a barbell.I
looked at a chart and
began doing what it called
curls.I
was never a weight lifter
and even without weights
on the bar, I was
struggling to throw the
device into the prescribed
position.I
tried to do 20 repetitions
and eventually I lowered
the bar in exhaustion.
I was
embarrassed to see the
woman I’d watched, now
watching me.She
introduced herself and I
responded with my name. I
felt nervous.She
asked me if I would accept
some advice and I joked
about how big my muscles
felt already.She
laughed as she took the
bar and had me rest before
having me shake my arms to
relax them further.She
demonstrated the curl,
making sure I saw that the
back was to be firm and
motionless. She handed me
the bar and showed me how
to slowly raise it and
lower it.“You
should feel this right
here,” she said as her
fingers gently grasped my
bicep with a slight
wiggling motion.I
almost dropped the bar.I
couldn’t explain the
almost electrical
stimulation I felt.We
worked out the rest of the
night and she walked me
home to my dorm.I
had the most powerful
desire to touch her as we
walked.My
mind was going a mile a
minute.I
had trouble getting to
sleep that night.
We
had agreed to meet the
next night for another
session—this one on the
treadmills.We
met 2 more nights and
interspersed our workouts
with stories about our
families and high school
years.It
was driving me crazy.I
never felt what I was
feeling ever before.Whenever
she touched me I felt warm
and excited.One
night we walked home and I
was wondering if she was
having similar thoughts as
I was having. Suddenly her
hand found mine as we
walked and it was not the
platonic grip of two
friends.We
got to my dorm and I
couldn’t take my eyes off
her lips.She
moved closer to me and I
responded by eagerly
almost bumping her.She
guided us over into the
darkness and I got a most
wonderful and passionate
kiss.My
knees were week and I
could almost feel my heart
pounding.I
pressed myself to her and
she responded similarly.
The next night we went to
her dorm suite.She
had arranged for us to be
alone. She had 2 roommates
who were “Island Girls.”I
didn’t think we could go
to my dorm as I had three
roommates.
While
I was alone with Lisha the
first timeI
learned who I was and I
learned I really liked who
I was.I
learned a lot of things
that night and the
following nights.I
found the Roman candles
and skyrockets that had
always eluded me in the
past.
It’s
been weeks since I
willingly and eagerly came
under Lisha’s gentle and
passionate attention.I
was in romantic love for
the first time in my life.In
an hour I would be driving
home to see my family and
my old friends. It was the
Christmas break and I
thought about my older
siblings and how they came
back from their first
semester in college.I
was able to hear some of
the gushing talk about
dating and the breathless
freedom college afforded.
In a short time I’d be
home and girlfriends would
be calling and we’d get
together just like my
older sisters had.There’d
be parties and boys and I
remembered how different
my sisters had been when
they returned.
I
guessed I was going to be
the most different of all.One
day it dawned on me just
which mythical island the
Island Girls had named
their haven after.It
was appropriate. And we
were on an island—isolated
and sometimes made to feel
less than good and
valuable by those who
didn’t understand us. I’d
soon struggle with coming
out to my parents and the
rest of the family.My
new friends had told me
personal stories of
acceptance, rejection and
parental disbelief.I
wanted to have my dad call
me his princess again.It
wasn’t for me, I’d long
outgrown that; it was for
him.I
wondered what my mom would
say. I wanted to tell her
about Lisha.I
wondered, hoped actually,
that they already knew. I
worried I would crush
them.They
didn’t deserve that and I
thought about not telling
them my secret. I needed
them to know what I knew.It
was bad enough people
tried to make me feel so
different, so terrible.I
felt cold and alone.I
started to panic when I
turned onto Michigan
Street.I
had absolutely no clue how
they would respond to
their princess.I
was so scared I was
trembling.
ALONG THE RED CEDAR
I
was born in far western
Wisconsin.It
was a few years after the
Great War ended.I
came into the world in a
small cabin near the banks
of the Red Cedar River.A
midwife who was my
mother’s oldest sister
attended my birth.She
had come down from Canada.
She was unable to prevent
the hemorrhaging that
would take my mother’s
life.Such
was the state of medicine
in the 1920s.
My
father was left with a
newborn son and a 6
year-old daughter.He
was also left with a lot
of anger.He
worked as a section hand
on the local railroad.
Section hand work was
hard.I
can remember later seeing
men trudging from work to
one of the two taverns in
town.My
father would stop in the
cabin and begin cooking
supper.He
would send my sister Avril
to the tavern with a
quarter and his beer
bucket while he prepared a
meal.When
beer was illegal, he would
send her to the secret
location everyone,
including the sheriff,
knew about.
When I was older
I’d be the beer runner
while my sister would cook
a meal. My father would
collapse exhausted in a
chair.Beans
and cornbread were
sometimes augmented with
smoked fish and, when
times were better, canned
and fresh vegetables and
fruit. Sometimes a
neighbor would allow my
sister to make lutefisk
when she made a batch. One
of them taught her to make
lefse and we ate that
potato dish often.
Norwegian people are
friendly and generous.Ladies
taught Avril to make a
great fish soup called
fiskesuppe.She
sometimes cried when
recipes turned out bad on
her own and I tried to
comfort her.
When the money
wasn’t tight we had some
fresh and processed meat
and canned sild.We
had pea soup and at
Christmas our father found
the money for Avril to
make krumkaker, rulle
polse (meat roll) and
rosettes. Christmas days
are my happiest memories
from growing up.
We
pumped water from a
community well but our
father drank more beer
than water.A
neighbor had dairy cows
and we were allowed to
milk one of the cows in
exchange for doing odd
jobs around the small
farm.
Avril was my whole
world for as long as I
could remember.I
don’t know who took care
of us in the early years
but I vaguely remember
different older women
spending time with us.However,
from about the first time
I have clear memory, Avril
did everything.I
know she washed and
cleaned and cooked.And
she wouldn’t let the older
kids bully me.When
I was little she’d tell me
stories and make me feel
safe.
The railroad work
was killing my father and
the booze didn’t help.At
night he’d sit before the
fire and we’d listen to
this old wind-up
phonograph. It was his
prized possession. There
weren’t many records but
we could hear music and
crackling voices from what
I could only imagine were
far away and exotic
places. It always seemed
to make him very moody.He
spoke little.He
would eventually turn off
the record player and send
us to our beds.
Ours was one of
the few phonographs anyone
had in our part of town.I
found out later that our
father had earned the
device because he made
numerous trips hauling
things he wasn’t supposed
to into and out of Canada.I
know it had something to
do with the man who sold
all of the alcohol in
town.
The cabin had one
tiny bedroom and the main
room had what served as a
kitchen and living room
for most of the space.My
sister and I slept on what
could best be described as
cots in the main room. On
cold nights Avril would
call me to her bed and try
to keep me warm.In
the morning she’d get up
to tend the fire and I
could see her breath in
the dim light.At
night, my father would sit
in front of the fire, or,
in the hot months, in
front of one of our four
windows.I’d
hear the far off train
whistle and it was obvious
the sound affected my
father.He’d
stare out the window and
sometimes turn the
phonograph back on.Sometimes
he’d finish what beer he
had left in his bucket or
find one of the whiskey
bottles he’d always have
stashed.
Many nights he
would go to the local
tavern.Sometimes
he’d come home stumbling
with a loud, laughing
woman.I
was usually awakened by
the noise but I would
pretend to be asleep.I
could hear them laughing
behind the closed door and
I would hear sounds and
noises I couldn’t figure
out.The
first time it happened, I
wondered if Avril was
awake and could tell me
what was happening.I
heard someone say give me
that bottle and it was
followed by laughter.It
sounded like someone fell
out of bed and there was
more laughter.I
looked over at Avril.In
the darkness I could see
her holding her ears and
keeping her eyes tightly
closed.It
wasn’t until I was much
older that I discovered
what was happening.
Some communities
and parents were always
very diligent about
children attending school.Ours
were not.My
sister and I attended as
frequently as we could but
our father never
encouraged it.The
house and garden needed to
be tended and God help you
if he thought you were
putting “that damn school”
ahead of what you were
told to do. Winters were
cold and we often didn’t
have clothes to match the
more brutal weather. We
would go outside only to
get the firewood we needed
or make a hurried trip to
the outhouse.
School was held in
the local Lutheran church
and the minister’s wife
taught all grades in one
room.It
was about 2 miles away.Learning
to read opened a world to
me.The
county had a library and
once a month or so, a
wagon would arrive from
which we could borrow
books.It
was magic.In
summer we couldn’t wait
for our father to leave
for work so we could pull
out the books and read.Without
the library books, we had
little to read.We
had a Sears-Roebuck
catalog.Everyone
called it a wish book and
for us, wishes were about
all we could do with it.Avril
had a hymnbook she
borrowed from the church.She
would read it over and
over as if it were a book
of short stories.I
borrowed a dictionary from
the school and I’m
embarrassed to admit I
used it like Avril used
her hymnal.
On warm weekends
the community would gather
for a baseball game.The
local team was called
simply The Cedars and they
entertained, and visited,
teams from all the nearby
towns.I
loved the games—partly
because my father was the
pitcher.During
the week he was just like
everyone else, maybe just
a little poorer. On
Sundays they cheered his
name and suddenly we were
somebody important.He
could really throw hard.I
think the other teams were
a little afraid of him
because he could throw so
hard but was also wild.He’d
sometimes hit a batter and
step menacingly toward the
other team if they
protested.
My father seemed
always to be angry.Sometimes
he drank and got kind of
mellow.Other
times he got drunk and
even more angry than
usual.The
ball games were different
and we lived for the
reprieve.
At the games
people were always talking
about him going off to
Chicago or New York to
play where people were
actually paid to play
baseball.It
was the one time I would
see my father happy.The
local tavern owners were
the unofficial sponsors
and would provide free
beer for the players. Food
would be cooked over open
fires and women would
bring covered dishes of
food for all to share.
Teammates would be
pounding my father on the
back and stories of the
day’s game would be told,
retold and exaggerated.It
would be after dark when
we guided our stumbling
father back to the house.There’d
be no phonograph those
nights.He’d
stumble toward his bedroom
and Avril and I would talk
quietly in the dark as he
snored and sputtered.
Two things
happened when I was about
10 that would change
everything forever.
My sister left
home. She was about 16.She
had managed to somehow
save $7 from babysitting
and little odd jobs—enough
money to head for Chicago.My
father had been arguing
with her often.I
overheard him telling her
it was time she got
married.I
can remember hearing him
shout about this man or
that man and how it was
time she got a husband.I
do remember him bringing
some of his fellow
railroad section hands to
the house.I
believe some of them were
even older thanour
father. He’d make Avril go
for walks with the men or
sit on some old bench by
the river.I
think Avril cried herself
to sleep those nights.
It seemed sudden,
but now I realize there
had been many angry
arguments leading up to
it.One
day Avril told me she was
leaving in two days.My
father arranged for her to
get a free ride on the
train. The conductor was
his catcher on the
baseball team.Our
father patted her on the
back, wished her luck and
walked away. I never had
much money if any. It took
all I had to buy the red
ribbon I gave to her to
wear.She
squeezed it with both
hands.She
then hugged me and kissed
me and I hugged her back.
As far as I could
remember, she was the only
person who had ever kissed
or hugged me. I think we
were going to start crying
when she turned suddenly
and ran to her train car.I
don’t know when I ever
felt more alone. I watched
long after the train
disappeared along the
tracks.I
missed her so much.
That same year,
the economy of the nation
was in free fall and the
worst of it hit our
valley. Something called a
depression was snuffing
out businesses and
fortunes.We
had little of either but
what we did have
disappeared one Friday
when my father returned
from work in the middle of
the day.All
of the local workers had
been laid off.
For 3 years we got
by on money my father
could scratch from odd
jobs he arranged for each
of us. He began hunting
and fishing to supply
food.I
cut firewood and milked
dairy cows for pennies.He
sometimes drove a team of
horses, and later a truck,
for hauling milk, but the
pay from all of the jobs
was sporadic and barely
kept us in beans and
buckets of beer.I
wanted to go to the county
high school.A
lot of kids were in my
boat and the school
allowed for a certain
degree of lax attendance.Missing
so much school made it
hard to keep up and I
guess it was pride that
forced me to give it up.
I learned early
that things could never be
so bad they couldn’t get
worse.
Around the time I
became a teenager, 2
hunters brought the
lifeless body of my father
to town.There
were whispers that he had
committed suicide.I
was even asked by the
sheriff if my father had
left a note.A
note?He
would have had to dictate
it.He
could neither read nor
write.
I guess I just
grieved for my father but
maybe, I was only feeling
scared about my future.My
father rarely smiled and
his conversations with his
kids could have been
mistaken for someone
merely giving orders.My
sister and I had both
learned early not to cross
him.However,
he was the adult in my
life—my security.I
was a youngster, alone and
on my own.
The year was 1938.I
didn’t know where Avril
was.I
lived in the old cabin and
survived on things I could
hunt and fish with my
father’s old equipment.I
relied heavily on handouts
from the local minister’s
family and others who
could spare anything in
those hard times. It was
rural Wisconsin.Firewood
was free for the cutting
and gathering. I sold the
phonograph and a few other
things but they brought
little money.Kind
folks would frequently
invite me for dinner. I
was hungry often. Times
were hard for everyone.
I had no relatives
other than Avril and I had
no idea how to find her.She
had written for a time and
twice included a dollar.However,
the last letter I sent to
her last known address was
returned by the post
office.I
believe that my father was
himself an orphan and from
near the Minnesota border.I’m
pretty sure my mother’s
people were all from
Canada.As
far as I could figure out,
I had no relatives I could
hope to find.I
really was on my own.
I lied about my
age and got into the
Civilian Conservation
Corps.Men
lived in tents and we
worked 40 hours a week.We
got paid $30 a month—most
of which we had to send to
our “family.”“Thou
shalt not bear false
witness,” the local
minister said when I tried
to enlist his support for
my plan to enter the CCC.I
think it was only after I
began dating his daughter
that he decided I might
thrive by being far away
in a labor camp.They
agreed to be “my family”
and hold the money sent
home for me by the
government.
Life in the camps
was hard.We
lived in tents and worked
hard building fire roads
and fire towers.Living
in tents was uncomfortable
and there was little
privacy. We planted trees
and fought forest fires.I
stayed for the 6-month
period and applied for a
longer enlistment.
We weren’t always
welcomed in nearby towns
and the rules kept us busy
and mostly out of trouble.The
men gambled where it was
allowed, or where they
could get away with it,
and we spent spare time
playing baseball or
reading what books we
could find.It
was after dark by the time
we would return after work
so there was little light
to read by.Boxing
was allowed in some units
and it served as a way to
avoid more serious fights
in disputes between men.There
were bullies and there
were thieves and
scoundrels.However,
I was usually safe, warm
and well fed.I
never thought of the Corps
as family but looking
back, I’m not sure how I
would have recognized
family anyway.
I got out of the
Corps and returned to the
only place I’d ever known.I
caught on with a farm
family.I
worked for room and board.On
weekends, I earned a small
amount of spending money
as a fishing and hunting
guide.I
rowed hours on the local
lakes for rich men who
seemed only to know there
was a depression when it
was time for paying the
guy who rowed for them.
The next paying
job I found was with Uncle
Sam.I
was drafted into the Army
and for about the next
half dozen years, I had
steady work.
I will jump ahead
to now.I’m
old and I’m entitled. Hey,
even my kids are getting
up in years. My grandkids
know I’m sad today.My
kids know what’s on my
mind.The
young ones are something
else—they’re a joy even
amid sorrow.
I’ve just returned
home from the cemetery.We
buried my sister Avril
today.Her
husband had passed several
years earlier and she
eventually moved in with
my wife and me.My
wife Elizabeth is a lot
younger than I.At
times like this, it seems
as if the whole world is
younger than I.Liz
is the one who insisted I
write this.She
said,“It’s
the little people who have
done the big things.”I
think that’s the retired
junior college literature
and English instructor in
her.I
told her all I ever did
was put one foot in front
of the other.She
responded that I had just
found a theme if not a
title.
Avril and I had
found each other years ago
in one of those miraculous
episodes that just seem to
happen to people.Oh,
I’m sure we would have
eventually looked for, and
found each other. In this
case, it just happened in
storybook fashion.
I was injured
during WWII.No,
I’m not a hero. I never
made combat.I
was assigned stateside as
an ambulance driver for a
military hospital.I
was sent to Chicago.I
was hit head-on by a
drunken driver on my
second night on the job.Cars
and ambulances were huge
back then but reports said
he was driving over 60 mph
when he hit me.Seat
belts were non-existent
and I was severely
injured.I
would be in the hospital
for almost 5 weeks and
would have rehabilitation
after that.I
will always walk with a
slight limp.
A nurse was making
the rounds in my ward and
stood and stared at me.She
quickly grabbed my chart
and grinned,
“Corporal, I order
you to get well right
now.”
The voice stunned
me. She got closer and
kissed me on my forehead.It
was Avril.I
never allowed her out of
my life for the next half
century. She married the
young doctor she was
dating and the two of them
encouraged and financed my
education.The
GI Bill paid for a lot and
they supplied the rest.I
eventually became a
hospital administrator.That’s
as close to the medical
field a grateful guy with
a squeamish stomach could
get.
Avril and I guided
each other through
careers, marriages and a
torrent of kids, grandkids
and recently, the perils
of old age. We made a
couple of trips back to
the old Red Cedar River
Valley.A
lot had changed.The
old cabin was gone but
some of the foundation and
its footprint, and that of
the privy, still remained.We
found our parent’s graves
and Avril told me what
little she knew of our
mother.We
talked about our father
and I think we both agreed
to forgive him for not
doing better.
We found a woman
we had known growing up
who was about our age.We
were graciously invited to
her family reunion where
we made old acquaintances
and sampled the old
recipes of our youth.
Through it all, it
was me and my big
sister—putting one foot in
front of the other.In
the childhood years it was
pretty much Avril and me
against the world.Somehow,
she made it a fair fight.
When I came in to
see her in the hospital,
she was tightly clutching
an old faded red ribbon.She
smiled. She died in my
arms as I kissed her—just
like that day she kissed
me goodbye on the banks of
the Red Cedar River.Some
kisses aren’t goodbye
kisses; they are “I’ll
love you forever” kisses.
Yes, through it all, it’s
been a good life.
MORE STORIES THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE
HAPPENED
THE GIRL
FROM COPPERHEAD
MOUNTAIN
Fiona
McKee was born in
Eastern Kentucky. She
was the 11th of 12
children of Collinsworth
and Juliet McKee. By the
time she came along,
Ellsworth seemed like a
typical Appalachian town
in the mountains. Ellsworth
Coal and Lumber once
owned the mines, saw
mill, the cabins and the
company store. They
didn't own the town—they
were the town. Fiona's
parents first
experienced money in the
form of company script
and coins. Their fathers
deep mined coal and were
paid in paper and coins
that could only be spent
in the company store.
They were frequently in
debt to the store—the
practice of buying on
credit against future
earnings kept everyone
working and tied to the
job. The company even
owned the threeroom
school. No
one could save up money
to move away. Even if
you accumulated some of
the company script, it
was not honored at face
value anywhere else and
no bank would offer an
exchange for real money
at anything except a
ridiculously low
exchange rate. Every year in those
days, Wellington
Ellsworth would visit
the camp from his home
in New York. It was on
one of these inspection
tours when Ellsworth and
his accountants
discoveredthe
men of Fiona's
grandfather's mine had
built a rustic looking
shelter by the creek.
Here the men of Liberty
Mine Three would change
clothes and shower in
the icy water piped up
from the creek by hand
pumps. The men had built
and paid for the shelter
and used it so that they
didn't continue to bring
home the coal dust that
permeated their clothes
and lungs every day. Mr.
Ellsworth agreed with
his accountants that,
though a nice idea, it
constituted a fringe
benefit and an intrusion
onto company property.
Ever concerned about his
workers, Wellington
Ellsworth agreed to
allow the facility to
operate but ordered that
all workers be docked $1
per shift to use the
facility. Ellsworth paid
its miners by the ton
and not by the hour. A
dollar a day could
sometimes be a
foreboding charge in
those years. Most men
chose to avoid the
facility. Fiona was lucky. Her
grandmother had
inherited a few acres on
Copperhead Mountain. Her
grandfather worked every
extra hour he could
(there was no time and a
half) and the family
scrimped and saved.
Saturdays, he worked at
the mill until noon and
took his pay in lumber.
On evenings and Sundays,
he would drive to the
mountain property and
continue building the
family dream house. The
mines eventually closed
and Ellsworth switched
to strip mining what
coal remained. Fiona’s
father managed to work
the last few years the
mines operated. Her
father later worked for
minimum wage—standing
ankle deep in various
solvents as herebuilt
small engines in a large
factory that came to
town chasinglow
wages. By then, normal
currency and stores
replaced the company
stores and script. Many
of the people fled to
the cities the first
chance they got.
Fiona left
Ellsworth for Chicago at
age 16. It wasn't the
call of the big city.
Her father died at age
63 after a lifetime of a
heart destroying diet,
cigarettes, the
ever-present coal dust
of his early years and
the solvents of his
latter years. Four
months later, her mother
succumbed to the Black
Lung disease she may
have contracted from an
early life of breathing
coal dust.
Fiona had
always dreamed of New
York City, but her
dislike for Mr.
Ellsworth's record
convinced her she didn't
want to live where he
lived. She had $137 in
her pocket after
purchasing her bus
ticket. She carried a
used cardboard suitcase
stuffed with her meager
clothes. Chicago
was serious culture
shock. She was
overwhelmed by elevated
trains and subways. She
spent three days walking
city streets and dozing
in the waiting room of
the bus station at
night.
She
lied about her age and
got a job as a waitress
in a diner. It was her
first job and she
narrowly escaped being
fired as she struggled
to adapt to the pace of
lunch hours and the
confusing accents of
customers. The diner
provided a uniform and
she kept her suitcase in
a locker at the bus
station until she could
afford a place in a
rooming house.She would eventually
get a (poorly) furnished
apartmentand
enroll in a free night
school program at the
Salvation Army.Armed with an actual
high school diploma and
new foundconfidence,
Fiona McKee soon found
both a better apartment
and a better waitress
position. It
was on a Friday that a
slickly dressed stranger
circulated through the
restaurant, passing out
business cards for a
local church. Peter
Penland introduced
himself as the "Singles
Class" pastor of his
father's church—City On
a Hill Cathedral. It was
a huge church and, at
Peter's persistent
invitation, Fiona agreed
to visit. He came back
after her shift and gave
her a ride home. Along
the way, he elicited
from her the story of
her background. He
invited her to a
service. Fiona
dressed in her Sunday
best and soon found
herself greeted and
escorted by the young
assistant pastor. The
Sunday school and
service were not
unpleasant. It was
nothing like the little
Baptist congregation on
Copperhead Mountain.
Senior pastor, Paul
Penland was an
entertaining speaker and
laughed along with his
immense flock as he
referred to himself by
what was apparently a
favorite nickname:
"Prosperity Paul"
Penland. He preached a
gospel that God wanted
his followers to be
successful, happy and
prosperous, tithe paying
saints. She was
introduced to the pastor
after the service.
The following Monday,
Fiona was surprised to
see young Peter Penland
and his limousine
waiting for her after
work. He offered her a
ride home and she
welcomed a chance to
avoid the "EL," as she'd
learned to call the
noisy elevated train. Pastor Peter
convinced her to call
him Peter and he instructed
the driver to head
toward Joliet. He told
Fiona that hewould
insist on treating her
to a nice dinner as a
way of welcomingher
to their congregation.
The dinner was excellent
and Fiona tried to pay
for her share but Pastor
Peter would not hear of
it.As they
entered the limo, he
told her she would
really encourage his
father if she'd stop and
say hello. Peter told
her his father had been
praying lately for the
Lord to help him
minister to young people
such as Fiona. "Dad's
in our Joliet office, do
you mind if we stop and
see him?"Fiona
felt as if she owed her
guide the effort and
agreed. The
office was in a
condominium building and
it appeared quiet when
they entered. Fiona
marveled at the
expensive furniture.
Peter said his father
would be with her
shortly and he entered
another room. He
soon returned to summon
her with a smile and a
motion. "Pastor can see you
now."
It was a bedroom and
not an office.
Prosperity Paul stood in
front of her wearing
only his boxer shorts
and a toothy grin. She
backed away and Pastor
Peter interrupted her
retreat by utting his
arm around her.
"Fiona,
each should give of what
he or she has to serve
the kingdom. Pastor and
I want to help you find
a better job—we are in
need of help here in the
church. The job pays
well and you could live
and work in this very
condo. It is your chance
to minister to Pastor
and to me while you
serve the church." Pastor Paul stepped
forward and began to
unbutton her blouse. She
pushed him away.
Peter spoke, "Don't
refuse to answer God's
call to minister. Pastor
and I have needs—we have
pressures and tensions
from doing his work. He
brought you to us. The
Lord has told me he has
chosen this service as
your ministry." "I
want to leave," she
said. "Child,"
Pastor Paul said as he
approached again, "each
of us has gifts to
share. The Lord has
given you gifts of
beauty and sexuality. He
has given me wealth and an
opportunity to help
others. We can help each
other." Unfortunately
for Pastor Paul, Fiona
McKee had a gift of her
own. And she'd been
taught to share. It was
a strong leg and a kick
that was more mule-like
than lady-like. She
kicked the preacher with
all of her might. Her
shoe landed squarely
between his legs and he
was immediately
grimacing on the floor
and having trouble
breathing. Fiona spun
around and ministered to
the surprised young
pastor just as
strategically and
powerfully. He doubled
up across the bed. That's how I met
Fiona. My parents are
the resident managers of
the huge condominium
complex. Fiona had come
to their office for help
when the senior pastor
appeared to be going
into unconsciousness.
She was afraid he was
going to die. He
probably felt like he
was dying. We called an
ambulance and I talked
to Fiona while we waited
for it to arrive. She
was not the first young
female “parishioner” we
had observed taking part
in the Penland plan of
salvation. Both men refused
medical help and the
ambulance left quickly.
The medics were fighting
back laughter after
hearing Fiona's account
of her missionary
efforts. I gave her a
ride home.
She told me
later that the father
and son team of
lecherous preachers had
angered her. She said
she thought of the
preacher she’d known on
Copperhead Mountain.
Like most all of the men
in the area, he worked
in the low paying jobs
and his garden all week.
On Sundays and
Wednesdays he preached.
He didn’t always
pronounce the old
Biblical names perfectly
and his limo looked more
like an old dusty pickup
truck. He didn’t preach
a gospel of riches but
you could trust him with
your little sister and
your big sister.
Of
course, we were
eventually married.
Prosperity Paul and his
son Peter would both do
time for income tax
evasion and grand theft.
Young Peter also made
headlines for trying to
procure a prostitute.
Unfortunately, instead
of getting his kicks as
he had with Fiona, this
time he was dealing with
an undercover
policewoman.
CONLEY BRYCE’S
IRREGULARS
Professor Bryce was a kind
of role model to a
generation that was busy
rejecting role models.
Professor Conley Bryce
really wasn’t even a full
professor. Having always
been an academic gypsy of
sorts, our favorite
professor had never stayed
anywhere long enough for a
shot at tenure.
Technically, Dr. Bryce,
who was only just a few
years older than us, was
listed as a history
instructor. No full
professor had more of our
respect.
Conley
was a captivating speaker.
Words rolled off our
teacher’s tongue like
poetry and lectures were
enlivened with great
humor. The discussion was
once about a professor
from an old highly
regarded college in the
1800s. He had graduated at
15. Professor Bryce summed
up and dismissed the man’s
achievement by saying,
“They have since become a
better college.”
Class
bells meant little to the
instructor, or really, to
us. The students who were
there because they were
grinding out course work
to score the paper they
sought, would leave at the
bell. Some of us weren’t
painting by the numbers
and we would gather around
to enjoy the real class.
There were usually about
12 of us true believers.
Some of us actually were
in the class. The othershad
had a class previously
with Professor Bryce and
simply showed up for the
lectures and after class
exchanges they knew would
be coming. Someone once
called us “The Regulars”
but Conley quickly dubbed
us “The Irregulars.” Our
guru deadpanned, “I’ve
seen regulars and you guys
ain’t it.” We were hooked
for the duration.These
sessions were times of
open exchange where you
could risk stupid
questions. They were
really a serious critique
of American culture. You
left these impromptu
sessions feeling fed but
wanting so much more.
We
talked about religion and
even then, we were warned
about the trend to wrap
religion in the flag—a
trend that dirtied both.
Conley mocked the
hypocrisy of modern
religionists and even
named names.The
phony patriotism of those
days was also held up to
ridicule and we learned
Conley had on occasion
been the victim of a kind
of blacklisting.
One
particular day we were off
on some theological or
spiritual errand. Someone
ventured to ask if it
could be proof of eternity
if he could not imagine
himself not existing.
“Aren’t you the ego?”
Conley responded. No one
laughed harder than the
original questioner. We
then were captivated to
hear about our guru
experiencing something
akin to enlightenment and
salvation on a cold,
lonely starlit night while
backpacking alone in the
mountains. Conley
described the pain and
poignancyof
love and uncertainty. It
was the same pain and
poignancy wewere
experiencing and it was
clear that Professor Bryce
was also still
experiencing. Such things
were described as the
birth parents of the soul.
There followed a long,
delicious silence. The
original questioner gave
it his best southern
accent, “Well shut my
mouth.” We roared and
Conley laughingly threw a
paperback book at him and
said to our laughter in an
even better southern
accent, “You are going to
Hell, son.”
During
one session someone said
he’d read the university
guide and found that
Conley was from a place
called Bloomer, Wisconsin.
We smiled. We heard a
sometimes sad description
of the pleasure and pain
of growing up in
northwestern Wisconsin. It
was a bucolic place that
was still a good place to
be, or be from. There was
a plaintive quality to
Conley’s voice as simpler
times and forgotten folks
were lamented. We were
told to cherish our
hometowns and our roots
because the days for such
times and places were
numbered, “The time and
the times will pass in the
blink of an eye.” And just like
that the pace changed and
we were absolutely slain,
“Listen, can you imagine
the burden of growing up
in a town everyone thinks
was named for an article
of old fashioned lady’s
underwear? It’s
responsible for whatever
it is that I am today.” We
roared. “Can you imagine
the fixations a youngster
had to deal with? I’ve
been obsessed with chasing
girls ever since.”Before the
laughter died someone
asked if a fixation waslike
a perversion. More
laughter. “Well, that
depends on whetherit’s
being defined by your
attorney or the
prosecutor.”
Sometimes we adjourned to
Conley’s place—an old
farmhouse just outside of
town. We drank Burgundy
wine, sometimes way into
the night. You slept
wherever you dozed off.
Conley wasn’t afraid of
much and had no qualms
about sharing smoke with
us. Many a night we passed
around the pipe. It was
kind of like a time warp
to an earlier time in
America. The power of
flowers had long since
faded but Conley often
said that first fruits may
well still be eternal
truths.
Weekends would find a lot
of us helping Conley tend
the huge garden and cut
and split firewood. The
greatest weekends were the
times when Conley’s
girlfriend Mishy flew in
to visit with her lover.
And there was no doubt
they were lovers. Where we
worshipped Conley, we
adored Mishy. It was short
for Michelle and Conley
was constantly befuddled,
captivated, entranced and
thoroughly enamored around
and by her. I think we
each had a crush on Mishy
and she would go for walks
or simply sit on the porch
swing and entwine each of
us in her web. One day
Mishy nuzzled the back of
Conley’s neck and
announced she was going
for a long walk with one
of her boyfriends (me).
Conley embraced Mishy in a
long passionate kiss.
Mishy emerged and
breathlessly said, “Maybe
we’ll just go for a short
walk.” We roared. I think
we all wanted a
relationship similar to
what Conley and Mishy had.
In retrospect, I can see
that my later successful
marriage is at least
partially a result of the
example set by Conley and
Michelle. At the time, no
legal document bound them
to eachother.
They appeared bound by
something deeper that I
think each “follower” was
encouraged to find for
himself.
My
girlfriend and I were on 2
separate campuses over 1000
miles apart. We had
partial grants and
significant student loans
mounting. We had both
changed our majors late in
the game and had incurred
heavy class loads and an
expensive extra semester
to complete our degrees.
We didn’t get to see each
other often. She had a
rare Saturday event called
“Professional Shadowing”
every week. As a result, I
had to do the traveling if
we were going to get
together. .
One
weekend I was sitting on
the huge porch glider
writing a poem to my
girlfriend. I missed her a
lot and we emailed daily.
Mishy came out and sat on
the glider.“Hard at
work?” she smiled. No one
could ever be too busy to
talk to Mishy.I
told her I was writing a
poem and I hesitantly told
her I was thinking about
asking my girlfriend to
marry me. As we sat on the
porch swing and she turned
toward me and swung her
leg up onto the seat
between us. She held my
hands and asked me to tell
her about my girlfriend.
She listened intently and
nodded a few times. I told
her about our time
together and how much it
hurt to be apart. I told
her about a dream I’d had
that we were married and I
had awakened with such a
feeling of peace. I was a
little self conscious but
I let her read my poem.
Worried about her
critique, I waited. She
suddenly put the poem down
and leaned forward tokiss
me on the cheek. “That’s
for your girlfriend. She’s
a lucky girl. Conley
writes things like this
for me and my heart melts.
Boy, keep this girl.”
She
talked to me about
commitments and how to
know you’d met “The One.”
She told me of her
feelings for Conley— she
talked of soul mates and
how her feelings “tingled”
at the thought of her true
love. I told her of my
belief that I had found
the woman with whom I
wanted to spend my life.
Mishy leaned forward and
kissed me on the cheek
again. I think it was her
way to give me her
blessing. It was funny, I
felt even more deeply in
love with my girlfriend
from that moment on.
Both
Conley and Mishy urged me
to try to arrange a visit
to the farm for my
girlfriend. They offered
to help with plane fare
but my girlfriend and I
managed to scrape together
the funds for a flight and
she was able to avoid one
of her Saturday sessions.
She knew all about my
friends and she was
anxious to meet them. It
was a wonderful weekend. I
picked her up at the
airport and she literally
jumped into my arms.
Conley and Mishy loved her
immediately. It was like
they’d known each other
already. The rest of the
Irregulars were as
accepting and friendly as
I’d expected.
It was
Friday night and our
sacraments had been passed
around until all were
tired. Those who were
staying began working on
where they’d sleep. Mishy
insisted we take the 2nd
bedroom “Because it has
the only other double
bed.” She added that she
didn’t want to hear a
crash in the night from
some guyleaping
from one twin bed to
another. My girlfriend
kind of blushed and Mishy
whispered something to her
and she laughed.
“Something I should know?”
I asked.
“Girl
talk,” Mishy said and I
knew enough to drop my
questioning.
It was
a great weekend and it
culminated with me asking
Rachel to marry me. We
decided to wait until just
after we graduated. Her
mother, and my family to a
lesser degree, had long
ago expressed a desire
that we two old high
school sweethearts get
married in the old
hometown church. Conley,
Mishy and the Irregulars
threw a makeshift party
before I took Rachel back
to the airport.
It was
late in the spring when we
were gathered at the farm.
Classes were finished for
the semester and the
university was dispersing
for the summer. Conley and
Mishy were planning a
vegetarian meal for us and
we were all helping put it
together. The Burgundy was
flowing. After we cleaned
up from the supper, the
smoke was making its
rounds. Conley told us
about an impending
relocation to the West
Coast. We were most
saddened. We had all heard
the rumors. A former
student was disgruntled by
his “A” in the class. He
was complaining because
Professor Bryce only had
one test in the entire
semester. It consisted of
one question: “What is the
purpose of America?”
Everyone had written
furiously and at the end
of the period Conley
simply said, “OK, please
take your paper with you
and let your actions
finish your own purpose.
Letme know if
your grade is less than an
A.” Apparently, the angrystudent
was upset that others
would receive the same
grade as he. It wasn’t the
first time someone had
complained about Conley
and, of course, there was
no protective tenure.
There were rumors that Dr.
Bryce once gave out more
A’s than there were people
actually in class. The
professor told the dean to
distribute the extras out
to anyone needing them.
Our
guru had always approached
teaching with the
assumption that we were
there because we were
pursuing an intellectual
journey. Grades were an
irrelevant nuisance. For
“Bryce’s Irregulars” it
was true and our
relationship was an island
sanctuary that would
extend beyond college.
Conley promised us we
would always be friends.
We’ve
stayed in contact and I’ve
realized that Conley,
Mishy and the Irregulars
are part of my ground in
reality. Rachel likes my
friends and they like her.
She “gets” what I see in
Conley and Mishy’s
relationship. Conley and
Mishy came to our wedding
from their new home on the
West Coast. The rest of
the Irregulars were there
and we learned that Conley
and Mishy are expecting.
Conley was happier than
I’d ever seen her. She and
Mishy had gotten married.
They had found a Native
American nation in the
Pacific Northwest that
recognized and performed
same sex marriages. Conley
was very close to her
brother and he had
volunteered to be the
donor for Mishy’s baby and
Mishy’s cousin happily
agreed to do the same for
Conley.
MR. LAFAYETTE MCCALL
I
was rummaging
through some old
belongings from my
youth.Report
cards,
B in English, C in
algebra, A in
geography.Funny,
I thought, they
taught geography in
the “old” days.Maybe
the world is smaller
now and it’s not
necessary to teach
about it. I was
finding nothing of
much value.My
wife and I were
scrounging to find
some things to
contribute to the
local high school’s
annual rummage sale.I’d
already found 2
baseball cards.The
Internet says
they’re worth about
3 dollars in good
condition.That
was a start.
Beneath some old
sweaters that must
have shrunk,
especially around
the stomach, I found
my old baseball
glove.It
was tied up and
tightly folded
around an old
baseball.That’s
the way I’d store it
in the day.We’d
rub in a little
neatsfoot oil and
tie the glove up
around an old ball
or two to create the
memory of a good
“pocket” in the old
glove.A
very special old man
had taught me that
little trick among a
bigger bag of lore.Next
to my old glove was
another one.It
was even older than
mine.It
was a stiff
catcher’s mitt and
it too, was tied
around a ball in its
pocket.I
knew I could never
part with the
gloves.
His name was Mr.
Lafayette McCall.I
met him one day
after I played
baseball.I
was 14 and a high
school freshman.It
was small town
America.I
lived a short bike
ride from school.Down
the hill from the
school was the ball
diamond.We’d
play pick-up games
in the summer and in
the spring, high
school games
occupied the
grounds.Two
or three old black
men would frequently
be in the rickety
old bleachers.I
knew who one of the
men was because I’d
pass his house and
see him working in
his tiny yard as I
bicycled to and from
school.He
displayed his full
name on his mailbox,
Mr. Lafayette
McCall.His
house was on the
corner of Baker and
Cooper. Cooper
Street was my street
and it was reserved
for whites.Baker
Street was one of
the two streets in
our little
midwestern town that
was “reserved” for
black families.They
were “Negroes” or
“Colored” in those
days.Baker
connected Cooper
with Warner—the
street where the
high school was
located.When
running late, I’d
sometimes take the
shortcut through his
neighborhood.Looking
back I realize that
my safe shortcut was
available to me but
I’m not sure black
kids could have
enjoyed a similar
safe shortcut
through a white
neighborhood.It
was the 1960s.I
struggled as a
baseball player. I
struggled with
everything back then
including, but not
limited to, passing
school and
understanding girls.
At any level
of most any sport,
speed is a key
factor.I
couldn’t throw with
much of any speed.That
ruled out pitching.My
foot speed was
probably worse.I
smile as I recall a
coach saying I could
be timed around the
bases with a
sundial.Well,
in baseball, there
is bat speed.I
wasn’t blessed with
that either.I
guess my strong suit
as a sophomore was
not many kids tried
out for the team. My
freshman year I was
cut when 21 boys
tried out.The
next year they had
the same 18 uniforms
but only 15 players.Welcome
to the reserve
baseball team.
My junior year
wasn’t as promising.
I think over 25 kids
were trying out for
the varsity team and
they were going to
keep 15 or 16.I
can remember it like
it was yesterday.
Mr. McCall and his
friends were
watching as the
coach put us through
drills.Everyone
seemed to contribute
an error or two as
tryouts continued.I was trying
out as an outfielder
as I was the right
fielder on the
reserve team the
previous year.I
missed one curving
fly and somehow
managed to stab
another high fly
after a long run.As
I ran, the ball
seemed to jump all
around in my vision
but I managed to
snare it somehow.The
coach told the group
that he would also
try some of us as a
catcher since one of
the 2 from last year
had graduated.
Batting practice was
a disaster.They
had the regular
varsity pitchers
provide the
pitching.They
were fast and good.
And they were trying
to impress the
coaches too. A
couple of them threw
curveballs and I was
lucky to be able to
hit even the
straight tosses. I
think I managed an
opposite field
pop-up and several
foul balls. I was
pretty discouraged
after the first day.Tryouts
were to last about
10 days before the
squad would be cut
down to the allotted
number.To
make matters worse
on day one, I found
my bike’s front tire
flat when I emerged
from the locker
room.
Since I was walking
my bike, I took my
shortcut.Mr.
McCall smiled at my
transportation
predicament and
invited me to his
tiny garage.He
got down an old
bicycle pump and
quickly filled my
tire.I
thanked him but
before I could leave
he pulled out an old
tub and began
filling it with
water.
“Let’s check her
out,” he smiled.
I smiled back
at him.I
lived with my mother
and sister.My
father had died when
I was about 8.I
could remember him,
and still can today,
referring to
something to be
fixed as “her.”
He submerged part of
my tire and slowly
rotated it.Eventually,
tiny
bubbles began to
float to the surface
from the submerged
part of the wheel.He
squeezed the tire
and the bubbles
increased a little.
“Valve stem,” he
pronounced and
added, “You’ll need
to get a new tube
eventually.”
He smiled.“I
watched you boys
playing ball today.
That
is some pretty tough
pitching.”
I agreed and
said something about
me maybe not making
the team this year.
He concentrated onmy
tire and
said, “You need to
impress the coach
with a couple of
hits.Hitting’s
the
ticket.”
I
watched as he filled
the tube with air
and worked the valve
stem around under
water.The
bubbles seemed to be
coming from the
stem’s opening.He
slowly submerged the
tube along its whole
length to check it
and said, “Got any
gum?”
“Sure,” I said and
offered him a piece
of my bubblegum.
“No thanks, you go
ahead and chew up a
piece real good.I’ll
show you a little
trick with the
bike.”
While I followed his
instructions, he
took an ancient
looking baseball
from one of the
cluttered shelves.
“A couple of those
boys have nice
curveballs but they
telegraph ‘em big
time.”
He gripped the ball
with his right hand
and showed me how a
fastball is thrown.
“Now look here,” he
said as he changed
his grip.The
ball was much
further back in his
hand.
“See, they load up
their curve to get a
lot more rotation on
it.”He
stepped
back and showed me
the delivery.He
showed me how I
could spot the
curveball early in
the windup just by
the grip.He
showed me how to
slightly bring my
back foot forward
and step into the
ball with
my front foot
and hit the ball
before it could
curve too much.
“Try that tomorrow.And
with the fastballs
just try to make
contact.”
He laughed, “But
don’t do this when
you make it to the
Majors.They
catch you doing this
and they’ll put one
in your ear.”
We both laughed and
he said to give him
a small piece of the
gum I was chewing.He
put the tube and
tire back on the rim
and filled it with
the pump.“You’ll
need to get a new
tube soon but
this’ll work for a
few days.”
He took
the chewed gum and
tore it into smaller
pieces and worked one
of them around inside
the stem opening.He
took a nail and used
the blunt end to force
the gum in firmly. He
worked the cap around
the protruding gum and
tightly screwed it on
the tire.
He told me to get a
tube and he’d help
me put it on.I
thanked him and
left.
Two things happened
the next day.My
bike tire held air
perfectly and I got
3 solid hits at
batting practice.I
don’t recall anyone
else getting 3.Mr.
McCall smiled when I
waved to him in the
stands.I
stopped at his house
on my way home and
thanked him again
for helping
me.
“Got a minute?”I nodded and
he showed me his old
catcher’s mitt.It
was even thicker
than the two the
team had.I
got my first lesson
on the fine art of
catching.He
had a few little
tips that he said
would make me look
like I knew what I
was doing.He
showed
me how to squat and
move my feet to get
in front of a pitch
instead of just
reaching.There
wasn’t much he could
do about my arm but
the next day I think
I did OK when it
came my turn at
catching.
Mr. McCall bombarded
me with little tips
the rest of the
week.He
showed me how to
read a fielder’s
eyes during a
rundown.The
coaches had us
practice run-downs
every day.Once,
I managed to read a
shortstop’s eyes as
I ran from the third
baseman.As
soon as I detected
he had the ball
coming, I pivoted
around and raced
safely into the
base.Race
may not have been
the right word to
describe my
footwork, but I did
slide in ahead of
the tag.Fortunately,
I never got the
chance to run toward
a fielder’s glove
and “accidentally”
get hit by a throw
with my body as Mr.
McCall had also
taught me.
Well, I made the
team.They
decided to keep 16
players and I was
the third catcher
and second right
fielder.I
played for two years
on the varsity but
never achieved any
kind of stardom.Mr.
McCall taught me a
lot of baseball on
my frequent stops at
his house.He
taught me a lot that
had nothing to do
with baseball too.
My mother tried to
discourage me from
spending so much
time with this old
widower.Remember
the era.I
didn’t have many
friends so there was
no one there to
discourage me.In
many ways, I grew up
in that little house
on the corner of
Baker and Cooper.He
taught me a lot of
the little baseball
tricks I never
played enough to
ever use and a few
things I’ve finally
lived long enough to
apply outside of
baseball.
I
am amused that some
of the plays he
taught me are now
against high school
rules in many places
for safety reasons.He
talked a lot about
decoys.These
are plays where the
fielder pretends to
be about to do
something besides
what he will
actually do.An
example would be an
infielder who
pretends like a
throw is coming and
the runner slides
thinking he’s about
to be tagged.This
would be used to
trick a runner into
not taking the extra
bases that he
ordinarily would
have safely taken.These
things don’t work if
the runner looks at
his coaches as he
should.
In one of the
few games I played,
I once pretended
like there was no
play and I stood
nonchalantly as an
infielder relayed a
throw toward me.The
runner broke stride
and slowed.The
ball arrived just as
the runner did and I
attempted to swipe
the ball and tag the
runner with one
motion.I
think he would have
been out had I not
botched the throw
and tagged the
runner with an empty
glove!
Another time
I was filling in at
third when a batter
hit a real shot to
right center.Many
fields, like ours,
were also used for
football and had no
fences.I
remember the hitter
was a big star and
though I can’t
recall his name, I
believe he went on
to sign a pro
contract.As
he headed around
second and
approached third, I
pretended as if I
was about to catch a
throw.The
ball was still in
the outfield and he
should have had an
inside the park home
run.Instead,
he slid.He
stood up with his
coach screaming at
him.He
was confused and
looked around before
heading for home
where he was thrown
out easily.When
he finally figured
out what happened,
he had to be
restrained by his
coach and the
umpires.I
looked up in the
bleachers and saw
Mr. McCall and his
friends roaring with
laughter.One
of them pointed at
me with approval.I
felt 8 feet tall but
remembered to leave
the diamond with a
ball bat after the
game.Hey,
the clown was a big
clown but he
eventually cooled
off.In
those days, the
politically correct
custom of teams
lining up to shake
hands hadn’t
surfaced.Sadly,
those are probably
the highlights of my
storied athletic
career.
Mr. McCall came by
his baseball
knowledge the hard
way.He
once shared a
scrapbook with me.It
was about a man
who’d played for 4
different teams in
the Negro Leagues.Most
of the clippings
featured the
exploits of a man
whose name I didn’t
recognize.The
few faded
photographs were
familiar. Mr. McCall
played under another
name.He
had run away from
home at 14 to play
baseball. He lied
about his name and
age.His
girl friend followed
later when he sent
her money for the
bus.He
had been afraid the
fathers would track
them down and force
them to return to
Alabama if they
somehow discovered
their whereabouts.There
weren’t too many
Lafayette McCalls in
the world so he
couldn’t play under
that name.He
went
back to his real
name when he
retired.
He was a
catcher and a pretty
good one.He
was also an
accomplished hitter
who, despite being a
catcher, was a good
base runner.Look,
as long as I’ve been
around, there have
been black players.I
knew vaguely about
Jackie Robinson
because I read a
story in school
about him.Mr.
McCall had a hundred
stories but none of
them were bitter
complaints about
never being allowed
to play in the white
leagues. I know
today, that the
so-called color
barrier really
wasn’t broken when
the great stars were
finally allowed to
play major
professional (and
amateur) sports.That
barrier was only
really threatened
when black players
began showing up on
benches and
bullpens.Even
today, it seems in
some sports that
minorities are
under-
represented
in coaching and
management
positions.
It’s a
trite term today, but
as I went away to
college and later my working career,
I realized he was
telling me to play the
hand I was dealt.I
guess I’d always been
envious, and maybe
bitter, about not
having a father like
most of my teammates
had.Their
fathers attended games
and volunteered to
drive the team in the
makeshift carpools
that such a
non-revenue sport
required.I
was always riding with
some of my teammates
and one of their
fathers.I
envied them.I’m
sure my mother loved
me and she worked hard
to earn money to
support us.She
had to be away much of
the time and she was
tired when she got
home.I
felt silly complaining
about my immature
hurts in the face of
the injustices he
encountered.It
was a lesson I hope is
still with me.
Mr. McCall told me
about a cousin of
his who was lynched
in a small southern
town because a
13-year-old white
girl had been raped
and murdered.His
cousin was innocent,
indeed, the murder
was in another town
and another man was
arrested, tried and
eventually executed
for the crime.It
didn’t matter.Mr.
McCall’s cousin was
singled out to be a
lesson to all black
men in the area.I
always wondered how
Mr. McCall could
like me.
I once
asked him why he
helped me and he
laughed and said I
needed a lot of
help.We
talked a lot and he
told me about his
late wife, his kids
and his grandkids.I
even met them on a
couple of occasions.They
seemed
bemused at him
having me as a
friend.His
two sons were
teachers and coaches
in other cities.His
daughter was a nurse
back in Alabama.All
3 of them
exaggerated how
sorry they felt for
me to have to listen
to all of those old
stories.
Mr. McCall and I
talked about the
mystery I found
girls to be.And
he
told me about Wilda,
the love of his life
from his teens until
the day she passed.She
accompanied him
across the country
as he pursued
baseball.They
came to be in our
town because that’s
where the money ran
out when the
barnstorming team he
belonged to folded.They
didn’t have the
money to get back to
Alabama.Pregnant,
no car, and no
money—all they
seemed to have was
each other.There
was something that
came over Mr. McCall
when he talked about
his wife.He
missed her a lot.I
don’t know, I was
still pretty young,
but there was a
pride and now, I
realize there was a
poignancy that meant
everything to him.
“You’ll know the
one,” he would say.He
assured me that
someday I’d look
into someone’s eyes
and know I’d met
“the one.”“They’ll
make fun of us,
they’ll make fools
out of us and cheat
and drive us crazy,
but “the one,”
she’ll be different.It’s
in the eyes my young
friend.Those
eyes won’t lie.When
you find her, you
keep her and you
treat her right.”I
think he was giving
me an order.
I went away to
college.And
no, there were no
scholarship offers
for someone who was
never more than a
benchwarmer.I
made a point of
stopping to see Mr.
McCall whenever I
came home. One by
one, his old cronies
passed.Funny,
he never would tell
me how old he was.I’d
ask and he’d say
things like he was
old enough to
remember when fire
and dirt were
invented.
I
was well into my
chosen field when my
mother called me to
report she had read an
obituary for my friend
and mentor.I
flew home and barely
made the funeral.His
oldest son gave me a
package he said they’d
found in their
father’s house.It
was addressed to me
and his son said they
were going to mail it
to me when they
notified me of his
passing.Yes.It
contained a worn
catcher’s mitt tied up
and oiled with a ball in the
pocket. Now I’m
older and retired. I
sit in the local high
school bleachers and watch the
kids play.Mostly,
I just sit at home
with my wife and plan
visits with grandkids.Time
seems to be flying by.I think
of him often even
though so many years
have passed.My
strongest memory of
him is from my last
visit. I eventually
left him sitting in
his back yard.Little
did I know he would
soon pass.He
had been in a very
nostalgic mood.His
parting words mean
even more today as I
sit in my own backyard
and the early spring
weather makes me think
of old men and
baseball. He said,
“You know, sometimes
it seems like only
yesterday I was 15 and
sitting on a hill in
spring, writing poems
to my girlfriend…only
yesterday.”
BEAUTY IS
THERE IF YOU JUST
LOOK
"Once
in a while you get shown
the light in
the strangest of places
if you look at it right" From
Scarlet Begonias
The Grateful
Dead
ODDS AND ENDS Shots that don't fit elsewhere
There were
clowns and elephants and dancing bears And a
beautiful lady in pink tights flew high
above our heads
Peggy Lee...Is that
all there is?
Foggy Mountain
Come
on the risin' wind, We're goin' up around the
bend
Credence Clearwater
Revival...Up around the bend.
Listen to
the river sing sweet songs To rock my
soul Brokedown Palace...The Grateful Dead
Autumn in the mountains
TO HONOR FATHER THOMAS
MERTON
The Mentor I Never Met But Grew To Know
And Love
The early
morning view from Father Merton's
hermit cabin. A
gentle rain fell on the previous
night's light spring snowfall.
I sat crosslegged on the dusty
floor and enjoyed the
rain. I was eventually
encouraged by the experience to
write this poem.
THE RAIN, THOMAS MERTON AND MY SOUL
It's
been a lifetime tryin'
to outrun the rain
and now I'm tired,
my feet hurt,
and I'm soaking wet.
Time it is now to sit in the downpour
and feel its essence
to hear its sound among trees
to nod and smile to the rooftop tapping
of simple gifts...
a code spelling loving graces.
Time to take refuge and rest
in the rain, Thomas Merton and my soul.
Thomas Merton
understood the rain. He
realized it nurtured rich and
poor indiscriminately.
Some of his greatest encounters
with enlightenment were
intertwined with the rain.
Rain is universal. Merton
knew further that salvation was
universal. Salvation was a
gift of grace and it fell on all
just as the rain. He saw
the duty and destiny of man to
be one of abandoning oneself to
enlightenment. Man needed
not to possess anything, he
needed only to allow nothing to
possess him. For Thomas
Merton life was a dance in the
rain. It was joy. It
was an unrestrained search and
it was a calm day listening to
the soft sound of rain in the
pines. No peaceful and
sincere spiritual expression was
exempt from its place at the
dance or in the rain.
Buddhism, Judaism, Islam &
Sufism, Hinduism...all spiritual
paths, fit within the peaceful
and loving world sanctified by
Thomas Merton's dance in the
rain.
Father
Merton understood that rain
without man was merely just
a scientific event...a
function of physical
factors. With man,
rain became something to
view with peace.
Contemplating the sound of
rain caressing leaves
brought comfort. Rain
tapping on the roof was the
sound of God's fingers.
Viewing the tiny droplets
hanging from myrtle seeds
like so many tiny crystal
balls was to appreciate
creation. Rain became
a metaphor for all that is
holy. Yes, Thomas
Merton understood the
rain. Even more than
that, he understood the
dance of enlightenment.
Father Merton
was crossing the street (4th and
Walnut) in Louisville whem
experienced a spiritual event
that would change his
life. He realized his love
and concern for his fellow
humans. He saw
the God in man and he strove to
serve both,
His prayer
says it all:
"My Lord
God,
I have no idea where I am
going.
I do not see the road ahead of
me.
I cannot know for certain
where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am
following your will
does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe that the
desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do
anything apart from that
desire.
And I
know that if I do this you
will lead me by the right
road,
though I
may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you
always though
I may seem to be lost and in
the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are
ever with me,
and you will never leave me to
face my perils alone."
Gethsemani Monastery where Father Merton
lived and wrote
Talk only occurs when necessary. They
are called Trappists.
The view from the old part of the
monastery. I joined the monks for early
prayer and chanting at 3:15 AM for Vigils. Monks assemble eight times
during the day for prayer and chanting
Psalms. The final
event is Compline at 7:30, leaving us time
for prayer and meditation before welcomed
sleep.
The monastic life at the Abbey of Gethsemani
leaves time for hard work and prayer.
Father Merton's grave. He's buried
next to his Zen Garden.
THE GOOD AND BAD OF LIVING
ON THE COAST
The Gulf Coast is rich
in beautiful views and wildlife
The beaches bring
crowds but the crowds bring money and
jobs
Sometimes the
visitors are unwanted. Dennis
and Ivan were such visitors.
BLACK AND WHITE
PHOTOGRAPHY
Adams,
Brady and the
other great photographers of
the past had no choice but to
provide black and white
photos. Some scenes
still benefit from black
and white. Today
we can take a short cut of
sorts. We can photograph
in color and also get black
and white shots in post
production. Some
of the following shots
appear elsewhere on
this site in color. I think
there is a timeless
quality to maritime scenes
that are sometimes best
represented by black and
white photography.
A PAPER AND PHOTO CHASE
or
How One Child Went Bad
I was born in a
military hospital (Gardiner General) in
Chicago as WW II was drawing to a
close. We lived on Cornell Ave and
my father was in the Army and he met my
future mother while she worked for
the Army Transportation Office.
The hospital was a converted hotel and
is now gone.
Five year old living in the Cincinnati East End
First grade in Cardinal Pacelli School.
First Communion
First prayer book.
We were taught that you had a sure shot
at Heaven if you died wearing the right artifact.
Somewhere along the time of
this photo, this smart ass
tried to come to grips with such heady terms
as eternity
and transubstantiation. Those were late
Sunday nights
to agonize over. I had been
thinking about becoming a
Trappist-style monk but the discovery of
another deep
mystery interfered. Right, I discovered
girls and all that
went with that new world.
The Trappists didn't lose much but the girls
didn't get much out of the trade either.
High school kid who worked as a caddy, a gardener
and an insect trapper for the state of Ohio.
Bricklayer and team captain. Basketball was
our life.
Missing an "alley oop" attempt
Miss Heiserman was a teaching treasure who
introduced me to the power of the written word.
I was young for high school. I was
still 13 when I went
from the Catholic school to register at the
high school.
I was the King of the Spanish Club
Carnival!
(standing,white sweater)
I played a psychiatrist.
My medal for being the leading athlete at
graduation.
I had a good agent.
I admit I grabbed the diploma and ran
from the building before they could take it back.
My ever-present
radio. I am a "radio-phile" who
came along at the end of radio's "Golden
Age" before television dominated
culture. In the 50s, 60s and 70s I
listened to local and far away radio
stations. WLS and WCFL in
Chicago, WLW in Ohio was the
Nation's Station. WWWE in
Cleveland and WOWO in Ft Wayne were
favorite as was KDKA in
Pittsburgh. Way down yonder in New
Orleans we treasured WWL. There
were many others but none topped WLAC's
night DJ John R who fed us the R&B
lacking in the usual Top 40
markets. The other king of the
airwaves was NBC's weekend show called
Monitor. Staring at 8 AM on
Saturday and signing off at Sunday
Midnight, it was a constant 40 hour
companion with news, weather, sports,
comedy and anything else. It was a
joy and I only interrupted it with the
radio drama and comedy of those
days. Only NPR even comes close
today to the Golden Age
My first published work was
in Statement Magazine.
It was controversial as it was critical of the
war and other
aspects of society. I was defended by Dr. Martin
Greenman
and Dr. Wilhelm Exelbirt. They were
beloved mentors.
Today I have self published 6 books: One novel,
three
short story collections, one book on Existential
Philosophy and one poetry book. I was also the
founder
and editor of an Internet poetry and photography
site
which some great artists from several states and
nations.
I had a number of my poems published in The San
Fernamdo
Poetry Journal. The editor was the late
Richard Cloke. He was
great. He fought in the Spanish Civil War
against Fascism.
Existentialism class journal...my mentor, Dr.
Greenman, made
a big deal out of this and it remains the
highlight of my college
years. He was a bridge over troubled
water. I miss him.
I don't mind if Christians doubt the salvation I
experienced or
that the Buddhists likewise might question the
enlightenment
I also achieved at the same time as I sat alone on
the edge of the mountains. The experiences
remain exciting and ongoing.
My other favorite professor wrote to me after
graduation, This great history teacher and
scholar
had escaped the Nazi threat after he left school
in Vienna.
I miss Dr. Wilhelm Exelbirt and his support and
example.
The best day of my life. We met while
walking in the rain on the quiet campus.
She remains the greatest person I've ever known.
Draft card...!-A but they never called me.
While in college I often had to hitchhike to and
from my work.
Summers I worked in a factory and also drove
a truck. I also
hitchhiked to other states. I had some
strange experiences but
the oddest encounter was one Sunday morning
as I hitched
across Indiana. I guy picked me up and asked
where I was
headed. He drove us to a small airport and
flew me to where
I was headed in a small Piper plane—my first ever
flight!
How I felt (and feel) about the war.
70's
70s
An officer in a fraternal organization.
It wasn't a conversion to Buddhism. I merely
added the philosophy to my beliefs. I have
taken the vows of a Bodhisattva. My Tibetan
Buddhist name is Sonam Yeshi. (Merit & Wisdom)
A full marathon at 240 lbs.
An article about me and archaeology.
One of the shop buildings I built when I
was a carpenter and a furniture maker.
I was a fisherman for a couple of years.
The fish is a Muskie that I caught in a stream
An 8 pound Bass.
I fit in as a follower of the Grateful Dead.
I followed them from
Albany NY to San Fransisco and from Wisconsin to
Florida.
The band provided special tickets for some of us
to tape
their shows. I have been to over 100
concerts including The
Grateful Dead, Neil Young, Bob Dylan and
several other rock
and folk performers. First concert was The
New Christie Minstrels
Like Paris, San Fransisco and the
Grateful Dead are "a moveable feast."
Father Thomas Merton.'s
monastery where I have stayed for
my spiritual life. If it were not for my
wonderful wife I
probably would be living there or in a Buddhist
monastery.
I have backpacked, hiked and camped in 48 states and
Canada.
At 75 (almost) they say you have the face you've earned!
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR/PHOTOGRAPHER
The
author has undergraduate
degrees in political
science and history.
He worked in those
fields for over 30
years. He was first
published in 1967. He attended
Thomas More College and
Morehead State University. He
has also received a
fellowship to study at
the University of
Cincinnati. He has done
graduate work in history at
Xavier University. Not
one of these four basketball
powers saw fit to offer him
even walk-on status. As
a result a curse similar to
the ”Curse Of The Bambino” has
prevented these schools from
winning an NCAA basketball
championship although they won
2 before the curse. Bill
bristles when it is intimated
there is a reason he still has
four years of eligibility but
he remains willing to don his
black high top Converse Chuck
Taylors and reintroduce the
basketball world to the two
handed set shot.
Enjoying the tax advantages of
living in what he claims
is a parsonage, Bill is
an ordained minister with the
Universal Life Church of
Modesto, California. He will
not try to sell you an
indulgence. No, Bill
will rent you one first to see
if you like it. Bill
worked his way through high
school, college and several
other periods of poverty with
several jobs. Along the
way he learned money doesn't
buy happiness but poverty
isn't effective at achieving
it either. Income during
his school and poverty years
was acquired by stints as a
caddy, gardener,
insect trapper for the state
(seriously), truck driver,
plant worker (like a factory,
not a house plant), postal
worker, store clerk,
warehouseman and forklift
operator. There are
others but Bill is waiting for
the statute of limitations in
several states to run out.
Bill was taught and
disciplined by nuns in his
early years. Their
efforts made later classrooms
work easy although Bill always
seemed to find free time, and
idle hands, a bit more than he
could handle. That and
the comparative lax discipline
of public schools made for a
tense situation as Bill walked
across the high school
graduation stage. In
place of being given a diploma
he was certain he would be
handed an envelope containing
a photo of the principal
making an obscene
gesture. To this day the
envelope remains unopened.
The author
has taught political science,
economics, history and natural
history. He has worked
closely with elements of the
criminal justice system both
professionally and as a
volunteer. The San
Fernando Poetry Journal saw
fit to publish about ten of
his poems. He has recently
served as founder and editor
of an international arts
journal for 3 years. He has
self published 6 books
and maintains that a chimp
with Microsoft Word and a few
dollars can self publish a
book. Proving
that a chimp with a WYSIWYG
app can clutter even the World
Wide Web, he has over 40
websites.
Bill has
done volunteer work in the
field of archaeology and
formerly had a part-time
business as a custom furniture
and cabinet maker. The author
has traveled, hitchhiked,
backpacked and hiked
extensively throughout the
"Lower 48" and parts of Canada
and Mexico. He has slept
overnight in bus stations and
farm fields. He once was
hitchhiking when a person
picked him up and flew him in
his Little Piper airplane to
one of the stops along his
destination. He also
encountered his share of
weirdos but like the man sang:
"Ain't that America."
Some of the most rewarding
trips were solitary hikes in
the wilderness. Born in
Chicago, he was raised mostly
in Ohio and felt most at home
during his time in the San
Francisco Bay Area and on the
road following the Grateful
Dead from city to city.
Bill loves music and has
attended well over a 100
concerts including 75 Grateful
Dead concerts. Other
concerts ranged from folk to
jazz to such rock stars as the
Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan and
Neil Young. He does not
sing or play an instrument and
the truth be known, he can
barely play the radio.
On the more
serious side he has taken the
vows of a Buddhist
Bodhisattva. He has briefly
stayed on a "New Age" commune
and has spent time in silence
on a Trappist Monastery.
He is experiencing hopeful
developments in his dealing
with Cancer and continued
heart “situations” that have
caused him to have a few
electrocardioversions to shock
his heart into rhythm. One
such pause in his heart rhythm
featured a true out of body
experience. He currently deals
with Parkinson's Disease.
Rejecting the fatalism that
was taught him as a youth, he
still warns those around him
that should he defeat all of
these maladies there is a
chance the building he happens
to occupy at the time could
have its roof collapsed by a
large meteorite.
Bill maintains an interest in
politics, religion, religious
cults, wildlife photography
and sports
photography. He was first
introduced to photography with
a Kodak Brownie box camera in
the 50s and later graduated to
a Minolta. The advent of
digital photography made him,
like everyone else, an active
photographer. He
estimates he may have taken as
many as 100,000 photos in the
past 5 or 6 years. He
considers himself a freelance
photographer although it has
been suggested the term "free
lunch" would be more accurate.
Bill has been happily married
to the same wonderful person
for over 50 years. They
met while each was walking
alone in the rain on a college
campus. Bill has been in
love with her and the rain
ever since. Bill's
reading time has been devoured
by the Internet and
photography but he still finds
time every few years to again
read The Myth Of Sisyphus by
Albert Camus and On The Road
and The Dharma Bums by Jack
Kerouac. He wishes
everyone else would do the
same.
Having been
retired for around twenty
years from paid employment,
Bill now happily and proudly
enjoys the freedom of being
classified as an "amateur" in
everything he now pursues.
With this brief bio he also
now proudly counts speaking of
himself in the third person
point of view as proof he is
an important person or at
least one dripping in hubris
or its fellow traveler
chutzpah. He is
heartened by the realization
that no one will probably read
this which is good because he
wrote it with himself in mind
anyway. As his memory
clears he reserves the right
to revise and extend these
remarks. Bill is
smiling. And that's not
easy to do with tongue in
cheek.
"Lord and I stay blue all the time. Yeah
but that's all right, I will overcome some day."
...Big Bill Broonzy
"There is a comfort in the
strength of love;
'Twill make a thing endurable which else
would overset the brain, or
break the heart"
"Michael" By William Wordsworth
"But if one
of us must go first, it is my prayer that it
shall be I; for he is strong, I am weak, I
am
not so necessary to him as he is to me—life
without him would not be life; how could I
endure it?
This prayer is also immortal, and will not
cease from being offered up while my race
continues.
I am the first wife; and in the last
wife I shall be repeated."
Eve talking in her later years about
Adam
Mark Twain: The Diaries Of Adam And
Eve
"Wheresoever she
was, THERE was Eden."
Adam at
Eve's grave
Mark
Twain: The Diaries Of Adam And Eve
"INTROIBO AD ALTARE DEI. AD DEUM
QUI LAETIFICAT JUVENTUTEM MEAM"
From The Old Latin Mass
ATTENTION WRITERS AND
PHOTOGRAPHERS!
Do you
write poetry or create photographs? I
am the editor of a poetry journal that also
features some great photography along with
the world class poetry we publish on the
Internet. Please check our past issues
at Banks
Of The Little Miami
We have published poems and
photographs from throughout the US and
Canada as well as Norway, Iran, Great
Britain, Australia and New Zealand among
others. Send us 1-3 examples of your work and while we
don't pay, we use only one time serial
rights if we publish your work.
Individual artists retain their full
copyright.
“The
wheel in the sky keeps on turning.” “The
wheel is turning and you can’t slow
down.” The words belong to Journey and
the Grateful Dead but the philosophy
belongs to all of us. For almost
ten years I have been a “contributing
photographer” for athletics at the
University of West Florida. I started as
a "walk on." Eventually some years I
took around 10,000 photos. (ten thousand
is not an exageration…I still have them
stored on the net). Unfortunately,
I have become somewhat disabled as a
result of Parkinson’s Disease and Cancer
therapy. Some of the venues
are too difficult for a disabled person
to navigate. For example, the
Soccer Complex contains a steep hill and
difficult parking lot. Because
of things like this I
created only about 700 photos this
year. Chemotherapy and radiation
also mandated that I be careful about
crowds. Of course the current
world pandemic requirement about
avoiding too much social contact makes
my temporary problem seem minor. I
have enjoyed my relationship with UWF
Athletics. It
was a good run and I cherish the photos
and memories.
A REMEDY FOR CABIN FEVER
IF THE
CURRENT HEALTH CRISIS HAS LEFT YOU A
LITTLE STIR CRAZY IN YOUR HOME, WE HAVE
FOUND A GREAT FREE SITE TO HELP YOU PASS THE TIME WITH
CARD GAMES. THE CREATOR HAS DONE
A GREAT JOB AND EVEN HAS CHOICES WHERE
YOU CAN COMPETE
AGAINST BOTH REAL AND IMAGINARY
OPPONENTS. MANY DIFFERENT
GAMES ARE OFFERED FROM YAHTZEE TO
MANY VERSIONS OF SOLITAIRE,
MAJ JONG TO HEARTS AND CHECKERS TO
CHESS. I RECOGNIZE A VERSION
OF YAHTZEE I CALL
"GOLF YAHTZEE" BECAUSE
IT IS A VERSION WHERE LOW SCORE
WINS. I
GUESS I INVENTED AND FAVOR
THIS VERSION BECAUSE I HOLD
THE WORLD RECORD FOR THIS
GAME.THAT'S
RIGHT...I ONCE SCORED THE LOWEST SCORE
POSSIBLE FOR YAHTZEE!
Screen grab of score
of the world record of "low score"
yahtzee. No one has beaten this
record!
CLICK BELOW FOR SITE:
This site is
about some of the natural features
of my one
third acre lot in Escambia
County. If you're trying to
stay away from crowds why not get
the kids involved in making a
similar study of your
yard. All you'll need will
be a digital camera, computer and
a free web hosting site.
Free hosting sites often include
free programs
that make creating computer code
automatic. You also could
go with a paid site such as
GoDaddy.
Some photos from near and
far:
Scroll
Down For These And Other Photos
CHARACTER COUNTS
Two softball teams were battling for a
trip to the NCAA Division II Tournament.
Western Oregon's diminutive senior, Sara
Tucholsky, hit her first ever home run.
There were 2 runners on. The 5'2" player
missed First and tore knee ligaments turning to
return and touch the bag. She collapsed
and couldn't make it back to the bag. The
rules are simple. If her coaches or
teammates tried to help, she would be called
out. The umpire said a pinch runner could
replace her but the hit would be just a single,
not the home run she had hit.
Here's where it becomes a story of
character. Central Washington's Liz
Wallace and Mallory Holtman picked up their
opponent and carefully walked her around the
bases, pausing so she could touch each
base! That run eventually helped decide
the game. Such fears didn't deter the
Central Washington players. They did what
they believed was the right thing.
The name of the winner of that game will be
forgotten. What will be remembered will be
two young women bending to lift a fallen
opponent and looking as tall as any athletes
ever looked. Character counts.
Some shots from the pre-digital
days...I took all of these photos in my hiking and
backpacking throughout the United States.
Except for Hawaii and Alaska, I
have been in each of the lower 48 and Canada and
Mexico.
COLORADO ABOVE THE TREELINE
Olympic trail
BACKPACK TRAIL NEAR PICTURED ROCKS
AMONG THE GIANT REDWOODS OF CALIFORNIA
Hoh rainforest...Washington
Rocky Mountains
GLACIER N.P. STORM...Montana
Rocky Mountains...where it's never summer
YELLOWSTONE RIVER
Badlands...South Dakota
Yellowstone National Park...Montana
Wilderness stream in Ohio
APPALACHIAN MOUNTAINS
THAT'S A MOUNTAIN RAM IN THE CENTER OF THE PHOTO
GARDEN OF THE GODS
AU SABLE FALLS
Frozen stream in Ohio
ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH
Colorado
Garden of the Gods
Dangerous...taken with 200MM lens
Mist covered Oregon Coastline
Lake Superior Provincial Park in Ontario,
Canada
Mt. Ranier
Lower Yellowstone Falls
Frozen Ohio Stream
Autumn in the Appalachian Mountains
California Redwoods
This was too close. A moose can kill
I panned for gold in this Colorado stream,,
Don't be fooled by prairie dogs and other cute
critters. They
have been known to carry the flees that spread
Bubonic Plague.
ESCAMBIA
UNIVERSITY
There are many fine educational institutions in the
Florida Panhandle.
Unfortunately this isn't one of them. You can't
spell Escambia without scam
“There isn’t enough darkness in all the world to
snuff out the light of one little candle.”
...Buddha
It is better to light a candle than to curse
the darkness.
...Eleanor Roosevelt, (and others)
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with
the intent of
throwing it at someone else; you are the one who
gets burned.”
... Buddha
"...rest in reason and move in passion."
...Kahlil Gibran, the World
"I have things in my head that are not like what
anyone has taught me - shapes and ideas so near
to me—so natural to my way of being and thinking
that it hasn't occurred to me to put them down."
...Georgia O'Keeffe,
"Da Patchy is not what Patchy was,
Da Patchy is as Patchy does."
...Patricia "Patchy" Brown, Los
Angeles
"What, me worry?"
...Alfred E. Neuman,
beloved philosopher
“Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.”
...Confucius, China
"The situation is the boss."
...The Grateful Dead
"Hang in there Bro, it's always early."
...Raymond Mungo
Rebel, Author, Counselor
"I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to
spend
a little time with each of the most stupid people on
earth,"
...Bill Bryson
A Walk In The Woods
"Mama Mama, many worlds I've come since I first left
home."
...Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia
"When you ain't got nothing you got nothing to lose..."
...Bob Dylan
"Lord and I stay blue all the time. Yeah but
that's all right, I will overcome some day."
...Big Bill
Broonzy
"This city desert makes you feel so cold
It's got so many people, but it's got no soul
And it's taken you so long
To find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything"
...Jerry Rafferty
"Think about how many times I have fallen
Spirits are using me, larger voices calling"
...David Crosby
"And they say that he got crazy once and he tried to
touch the sunAnd he lost a friend but kept his memory"
...John Denver
“My whole
wretched life swam before my weary eyes, and I
realized no matter what
you do it's bound to be a waste of time in the end
so you might as well go mad.”
...Jack Kerouac
"But now old friends they're acting
strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day."
...Joni Mitchell
"Well it's all right, even if they say you're wrong
Well it's all right, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well it's all right, as long as you got somewhere to lay
Well it's all right, everyday is judgment day"
...The Traveling Wilburys
"Take me for a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship
All my senses have been stripped
And my hands can't feel to grip
And my toes too numb to step
Wait only for my boot heels to be wanderin'"
...Bob Dylan
One toke over the line sweet Jesus
One toke over the line
Sittin' downtown in a railway station
One toke over the line
Awaitin' for the train that goes home, sweet Mary
Hopin' that the train is on time
...Brewer
& Shipley
There is a great story
associated with this song and its drug
references. Lawrence Welk was a kindly man
who had a very "whitebread" music program
on TV. In the 60s and 70s. He thought this
was a "spiritual" song and he had his lead
singers perform it. It was introduced with
Gospel references. Somehow no one on his staff,
including the two young squeaky clean singers
who performed it, had a clue as to what "one
toke over the line" was about. VP Spiro
Agnew labeled the song as subversive and the FCC
actually banned it from broadcast.
Remember, this was an age where the director of
the FBI assigned agents to study the largely
incoherent lyrics in the song Louie-Louie
for obscenity. Can you imagine the scene
when someone explained the references to Mr.
Welk?
"Be careful out there among them English."
...Amish man in Witness
"There's a crack in everything—that's how the light comes
in."
...Leonard Cohen “I got in trouble my whole
life for having abig mouth.”
...Steven Tyler
"Want to hear God laugh? Tell him you have plans."
...Noah Brown “You are loved just for being who you are,
just
for
existing. You don’t have to do anything to
earn it. Your short comings,
your lack of
self-esteem, physical perfection, or social
and economic success – none of that matters.
No
one can take this love away from you, and it will
always be here.”
...Ram Dass
"If the people are buying tears I'll be a rich girl
someday."
(From "Look what they've done to my song Ma.")
...Melanie Safka
"Life is constantly offering us jewels. It is
whether we notice or not that is equally awesome."
...Personal note from Holly Near
(Holly Near singer with HARP: Holly Near,
Arlo Guthrie, Ronnie
Gilbert, Pete Seeger)
“Be
kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ...Ian Maclaren
.
BASEBALL, THE WORLD
AND I MOURN THE PASSING OF
CHUCK HARMON
1924-2019
Sometimes heroes make just a brief
flash before our eyes. Chuck Harmon was a hero to
a nine year old boy in 1955. I was
attending my first ever Major League baseball game at
old Crosley Field in Cincinnati. We had recently
relocated from Chicago to an enclave of German
Americans. Harmon had recently been signed to a
contract. He became the first black player on the
Redlegs. The name was briefly changed from "Reds"
to "Redlegs" because local civic fathers were concerned
about the "Red Menace" as Soviet, Chinese and North
Korean entities were called in an era that would feature
bomb raid drills and accusations of treason against
anyone labeled as being "Red." The Korean War was
still smoldering. The Iron Curtain was a reality.
At the time I didn't know that great athletes such as
Harmon (who was also a championship level basketball
player) and Jackie Robinson (A four sport letter winner
in college) had been forbidden to play in the Majors
because of their race. White nine year old
baseball fans hadn't heard about the Homestead Grays,
Kansas City Monarchs, Pittsburgh Crawfords and other
Negro League teams that were staffed by great
athletes like Willie Mays, Josh Gibson and Satchel
Paige. Even the city in which we lived had
varioius Negro League teams we were never told
about. Military service and prejudice kept many
players from joining Major League sports until they were
older. Brooklyn Dodger (soon to be LA
Dodger) owner Branch Rickey signed super athlete Jackie
Robinson to a professional contract in 1947. I
don't know if he was trying to right a serious wrong or
simply trying to get a leg up on his competition.
Maybe it was both. An ever declining few have
missed the irrefutable truth you build a great culture
and great economy the same way you win a championship or
a war. You assemble the best and the brightest and
get prejudice and other limitations out of their
way. The lesson from the American sports
scene could not be more obvious. Winners LOOK like
all of America.
It was the summer of 1955. The St. Louis Cardinals
and the Redlegs were battling into the 9th inning.
St. Louis was ahead by one run when the Redlegs tied the
score. Then chaos broke out. The two
managers got into an argument between the mound and
home. Cincinnati manager Birdie Tebbetts lunged at
St. Louis manager Harry "The Hat" Walker. A bench
clearing fight ensued and nine year old boys in the
stands decided they wanted to be crazy baseball players
too. We were hooked for life. When
order was restored Chuck Harmon was sent in as a pinch
runner to 2nd base. A ground ball through the
infield sent Harmon flying around third base. He
ran so fast he had to take an unbelievably wide turn but
he beat the throw to score the winning run. Thanks
Mr. Harmon.
In 2019 we received the sad news that boxing great Pernell Whitaker
has passed. I have been fortunate to have met three of the
four greatest boxers of all time.
As an 11 year old I met Rocky Marciano while he was on a promotional
tour after retirement. Later, as an adult I met Aaron Pryor
"The Hawk." He was friendly
and all so talented! Sadly, Marciano and Pryor both preceded
Whitaker in death shortly after we lost Muhammad Ali. I never
met Ali or Pernell Whitaker but like
many people around here, I had the honor of meeting arguably the
greatest fighter of them all, Roy Jones Jr. I took this photo
at a softball charity event at UWF
If
you've never lived in a
cold climate you've missed
something. Frostbite and
pneumonia come to mind.
Just kidding. Winter is an
energizing event of hats,
gloves, sleds and
snowballs. It's the North
Wind and it's every bit as
refreshing as feeling the
ocean breezes that reward
you for living on the
coast—even a coast as
beautiful as this one. I
don't remember much if
anything about Chicago
winters but I know they
are sometimes brutal. The
family took the train to
Ohio.
Eventually
we ended up in this Ohio
house shown here and
below. There was a
heater of sorts built
into the hall floor. You
pumped until you spotted
oil accumulating and the
ignition system
consisted of dropping
pieces of flaming paper
into the unit to ignite
the fuel. Heat was to
radiate up through a
metal grate that ended
up too hot to step on in
bare feet. My father was
from rural Wisconsin. He
had no problem with
someone being able to
see his breath upon
waking. My mother was
orphaned and often near
homeless before
homelessness got our
attention. Both parents
were children of the
Great Depression. It was
nicer housing than they
ever thought they could
have,
Breakfast
(and sometimes lunch and
dinner) often consisted
of an obscure
German-American poverty
food called goetta. It
consisted of steel cut
oats (called pinhead
oats) and inexpensive
meats (usually pork)
that had most fat
trimmed away before
cooking and grinding. It
was pronounced "gutta"
in Low German. Today,
most Germans on any
continent have probably
never heard of it. I
still make a meatless
version of it today.
It's gone from a poverty
food to a comfort food.
Sugar and butter were
cheap.So was
white bread.
Breakfast of sugar
sandwiches was not
uncommon.
Summers
were hot and humid.
Spring was full of the
hope of happy futures
(and baseball). Autumn
featured the aroma of
burning leaves and
gradually colder nights
and frosty mornings.
Winter was the king of
all of that. Cold, dark
nights were tempered by
lengthening daylight.
The radio sometimes
announced a snow day.
For a little kid who
hated school and
generally feared the
wrath of nuns, a snow
day was a comfort. It's
been easy to love winter
and these occasional
Florida cold (actually,
cool) snaps are a touch
of Paradise.
From the snowy
recesses of my mind...
A
place to walk—cold
and wet
and alone
-1-
Winter
in a bucolic
little town in the
American
Midwest—it was the
1950s and we were
taught to worry
about communists
waiting to take us
over at any
minute.
There were
diseases such as
Polio. The
Korean War was
smoldering.
Most issues were
black and
white. It
was good vs evil.
There were no
impersonal
supermarkets or
super
highways.
The train whistle
woke you in the
night and beckoned
of faraway
places. The
radio had pop and
country music and
an insidious
invasion of
something called
Rock &
Roll. It
could be heard,
via the radio,
from mysterious,
exotic places
during the night.
The
Street Where I
Lived
-2-
The snow was
pristine. It
was cold in the
winter in
Ohio. Cities
spread very little
rock salt and
sand. A couple
of guys in the back
of a dump truck
dispensed it with
shovels. Autos were
fitted with snow
tires and chains.
The cold wind came
out of the north and
the west. They
too, whispered of
far away places.
Crude televisions
couldn't compete
with the outdoors or
even the radio, for
my attention.
A person didn't have
to know much to know
enough.
This
old house was
home and
shelter.
-3-
Only the
super rich had big
houses and
luxuries such asair
conditionersand
reliableheaters.
Our house measured
about 25 feet by
30 feet. One
tiny bathroom
served a kitchen
and 5 small
rooms. A
damp basement with
a low ceiling
raised rats, mold
and spiders.
For people in the
post war housing
shortage, it was
paradise.
We were poor but
we thought we were
rich—therefore we
were both.
Only hunters kept
firearms and only
the hard scrapple
police chief
carried a pistol
in his
pocket. One
of his deputies
was armed, the
other was
not. Nobody
carried a door key
and many left
their car keys in
their car.
Sled
riding hill
-4-
Today,
everyone is in arush.
Cities spend a
fortune plowing
snow and spreading
chemicals to keep
traffic speeding
along.
Older
children carry
keys and let
themselves into
empty houses and
apartments.
Younger kids
sometimes go
from pre school
sitters in the
winter morning
darkness,
to school and
then to latchkey
sitters, before
returning home
after
dark. They
have been
cheated.
A child becomes
those first
things he sees
each
morning.
The spirit dies
in
increments.
Winter
Wonderland (to us,
anyway)
The old school
One of the first of
many
places to be alone
in a crowd
Winter
fields in my heart
Barely
17—My senior
year in a new
high
school—just
another place I
didn't belong
-5-
But seasons always
change. The family
moved from the
small house to an
even smaller
apartment behind
some
stores and a
bowling alley.
It was
cheaper but you had
to
lock your doors.
-6-
The wooded view
and the sounds of
birds were traded
for a
parking lot
and traffic
noises. The
wind that once
tumbled
leaves across
fields, now blew
litter across
concrete.
Angry
voices came
through thin
walls.
-7-
The dirt
and gravel, bike
riding alley of
our youth
was traded
for the noise and
litter of stores
and another kind
of alley—a
bowling
alley. There
are several types
of poverty.
The one
of the spirit is
the worst.
Apartment living—a
taste of
urban life and
impermanence
The
woods of
my
youth—explored
alone
The alley—a dirt and
gravel road home
The
Duke Of
Wellington is
credited with
saying, "The
Battle Of
Waterloo was
won on the
playing fields
of
Eton."
There is much
disagreement
about the
authenticity
of the
saying.
No big
deal. It
doesn't matter
who shouts
"Fire" as long
as there
really is a
fire.
I've used the
Wellington
quote
elsewhere in
my work.
I've also
experienced it
in my life.
I am
sure of this—a
man is a
product of
what he
experiences.
The spirit is
truly the sum
of its
parts—those
parts
being
the things you
see and
hear—those
things you
touch and
those things
that touch
you.
Growing up
with few
material
treasures was
not bad.
Nature and
Nature's God
had treasures
for all to
share and
enjoy,
I have
stumbled upon
some of them.
There
is a war
raging in the
hearts of
men. It
is fought
between the
poverty of the
spirit and the
exaltation of
that same
spirit.
Choose your
battlefields
wisely.
Pick your
weapons and
allies
carefully.
Invest your
tears
freely.
Winner takes
all in this
contest.
The man who
fashions
despair into
optimism is a
formidable
warrior.
He is a
dangerous man.
Like
Charles Dickens, I
have seen the best
of times and the
worst of
times. The
entire quote is
like an anthem for
all ages:
"It
was the best
of times, it
was the worst
of times, it
was the age of
wisdom, it was
the age of
foolishness,
it was the
epoch of
belief, it was
the epoch of
incredulity,
it was the
season of
Light, it was
the season of
Darkness, it
was the spring
of hope, it
was the winter
of despair, we
had everything
before us, we
had nothing
before us, we
were all going
direct to
heaven, we
were all going
direct the
other way—in
short, the
period was so
far like the
presentperiod,
that some of
its noisiest
authorities
insisted on
its being
received, for
good or for
evil, in the
superlative
degree of
comparison
only."
There
is a lesser
known quote
from
Dickens.
It may be of
far more value
to the
soul. It
too, may
qualify as an
anthem—at
least for
those folks
who have done
time on the
road—for those
wayfaring
souls who have
felt the pain
of being alone
in the crowd.
In
Great
Expectations
he wrote:
"We need never
to be ashamed
of our tears."
BAY FRONT PRESS
I have decided to self
publish some of my works on the
Internet. Pray the Internet
survives. MGB, Catawba Press, The
San Fernando Poetry Journal and Statement
Magazine are among the publishers/printers who
found themselves defunct after handling my
writing. Being low-tech, I have no idea
what if any device besides a computer can
"read" these books. Believing as I do that you
get what you pay for, I regret I can't get the
price below free. There are hard copies
available but unless you're starting a
campfire and need paper, I would suggest you
merely read them on a computer screen.
A longer self serving introduction can be
found HERE
A REFUGE
The old library on a small college
campus near the foothills of the
mountains
OF TIMES
AND SEASONS IN THE RAIN
As
college classes begin each
year I am reminded of what
my own experience continues
to mean to me so many years
later.
I
received so much more than a
diploma from what was first
a picturesque little college
near the foothills of the
Appalachian Mountains.
Soon to be invaded by the
first wave of baby boomers,
it grew into a university
before my eyes. I grew
too. A university is
people—no more and no
less. Those
times and that place had a
significant influence on
me. It was the Sixties
and anything anyone has ever
said about what went wrong
in those times is probably
telling the truth. In
retrospect, a lot of things
went right too. Authority
was questioned.
A song asked if we'd
questioned all the
answers. It was soon a
time to even question the
questions. It's never
easy but I guess that lament
belongs to all ages.
For good or ill every time
and place has its story to
tell. It's been over 50
years but I am still
influenced by four people I
met on that diminutive
campus.
Dr.
Martin
Greenman taught philosophy
but more than that he taught
me by word and deed that it
was alright to be the
existentialist I realized I
was, and am. He taught me
how to live. I learned
there were many scriptures
from many sources. The times
were turbulent and his
example for all was to
embrace the turbulence and
turn inward for the
salvation and enlightenment
to face the world. He led me
to the conclusion that
living in bad faith (to
yourself) was the gravest of
sins. One cool starlit
night I sat alone near the
foothills and experienced my
own enlightenment and
salvation. I found it
to be true that the test of
any philosophy was
simple: Does it
work? Calling him a
mentor is an
understatement. He
was
a sanctuary in dark times of
the soul. He
was my friend.
Dr.
Carlisle Cross taught me
that literature can pass the
test of time. He
taught me of satire and
parody on one hand and the
deep touching power of words
written from the heart on
the other. He embraced
humor. A few years ago
I created a mythical
internet diploma mill
called Escambia
University. It was an
attempt to poke fun at the
pretense of educational
institutions. If he were
here today he would be the
first to accept a diploma
from that phony school and
probably hang it in his
bathroom. He was a scholar
who didn't take
prestige seriously. He once
told me he was thinking of
changing his name from
Carlisle to "Old Rugged." I
still think about (and read
and re-read) things my guide
encouraged me to
explore.
Dr.
Wilhelm Exilbirt earned his
doctorate in
history in Vienna
before managing to escape
the jackboots of the
Nazis. England was his
first stop. A little
school near the foothills
would be his last. His
words of wisdom and
scholarship were validated
by the example of his life.
He encouraged me to
pursue the academic
life. He once said he
was mystified by American
students who paid for
education but tried to
acquire as little as they
could get away with.
When asked what was the
biggest adjustment he had to
make in coming to his
adoptive culture he
responded with your
grandfather’s twinkle in his
eyes: “Zippers instead of
buttons” was all he said.It
somehow
pleases me that I am now the
age he was when I was first
inspired by him.The
world
and I need him today.
The
fourth person is, and will
always be, the most
important. I met my
wife-to-be as we each walked
in the rain on the quiet
campus. I've loved her
and I've loved rain ever
since. She was born and
raised in the mountains but
had come to college after
working in the big
city. I was born on
Cornell Ave. in Chicago and
raised in an Ohio middle
class suburb. Though
neither of us was seeking a
relationship we almost
immediately began sharing a
life. Lover, most
trusted confidant and best
friend, she is one of the
greatest people I've ever
known. She would deny
that or say that I should
probably try to get to know
more people. I know her and
it remains the most
meaningful of all
knowledge. She is my
pearl of great price.
At times it's been the two
of us against the
world. Somehow she
makes it a fair fight.
Truth and beauty
are wherever you are lucky
enough to encounter
them. The University
of West Florida campus has
its own natural and man made
beauty. Many colleges are
likewise beautiful. I
enjoy being around the
local campus even though it
is larger and
architecturally more modern
than the school I
attended. For some,
college is career prep and
if that works education has
served a beneficial
purpose. Colleges can
also be so much more than
just career prep. That
works too. I
would advise students to
experience real college
campuses. Walk there in the
rain and in the
sunshine. Take the
words and spirit from the
professors you
encounter. I encourage
the professor and the
student to get to know what
the other is about. The
exchange can be joy and
enlightenment. And always
smile at those you meet in
the rain. It may be
"The One" you'll be sharing
the rain with. It can
make someone's day. It
could make someone's life.